Gratitude

The holiday and vacation have been wonderful thus far.

I'm blessed to have an amazing family, and friends I can call family as well. Being able to share time with these people who accept you as you are, want only good things for you and would do anything to see you smile, and for whom you feel the same way, is a blessing.

Two more days left, going to make them count.

Obs

Sometimes people show their true colors in very subtle ways, like a watercolor, and you miss it.

But other times they show their colors like a full-blown 10-story building covered in graffiti, and that is hard to miss.

Friends

I have great friends.

Some I have known for 25 years. Some I have known for less than one.

All are integral to my well-being, and I hope I am there for them in that way as well.

They constantly amaze me with their compassion, their understanding and acceptance. Their wisdom, humor and wit keep me grounded, safe and happy.

If there's one thing I excel at, it's picking kick ass friends.

I'm damn lucky. Damn lucky.

Surprises

Today was a really good day. Kind of unexpected given recent circumstances, but everything fell into place.

Thankful for surprises such as this.

Well

As my friend Scott so elegantly put it, everything happens for a reason.

I believe this also. The reason may not present itself for a long time, but it eventually does.

But in the moment, like three weeks ago when I was told Arthur was gone, and even now, there's no reason I can think of that he had to leave this world in that way.

Maybe to make me realize what he meant to me? I always knew that, didn't need any kind of reminder.

Wow

Amazing night. Just got home. Three hours til my morning run.

Run, schmun. i got this.

Tired face, scratchy voice and excessive yawns are inevitable, but worth every minute.

What's up, doc

Let me start by saying that the BJH Breast Health Center is a top-notch facility. Efficiency, intelligence and kindness overflow from the folks who work there, from the administration to the docs.

Constant, light pain is what prompted me to see them. For three months my right nipple has been sore. I made an appt to see my OB/GYN and while everything looked okay from the outside, she said I needed to get a mammogram and ultrasound ASAP to rule anything out.
The Breast Health Center got me in the very next day (today).

Last night I wasn't sweating the situation, but this morning was a whole different story. Everything I saw and heard, every corner I turned I connected with bad news/breast cancer/death. I think this is a normal reaction to anyone who feels as if they're about to face their mortality head-on.

They started with a bi-lateral mammogram, which didn't hurt at all, just mild discomfort. They then told me to sit in the waiting room while the radiologist viewed the pics. After about 10 minutes they called me back in for a whole new set of very painful squish pics of just my right breast - seven in all. Ouch!! That smarted for awhile, and got me thinking that having a second round wasn't a good sign.

Then they brought me in for an ultrasound, which was done by a resident. Light pressure, easy peasy, he said he didn't see anything but some asymmetry in the glands. He went and got the main physician, who used a lot of pressure for quite a while, going over and over the same area. She called another doc in to look, and then they left the room.

A couple minutes later the resident came in to tell me that they saw some asymmetry in the glands in the right breast, but nothing that looks bad. Since I don't know my family history or have any previous tests to use as a baseline, they want me back in six months for another diagnostic mamm and ultrasound to rule anything out. If the nipple pain gets worse or I see any discharge, skin changes or feel any difference (lumps) in the next six months, they told me to come back in before my appt.

So it would seem I have been given a reprieve - a free six-month pass.

I'll take it.

I'm glad I went in, as scary as the whole experience was. Better to know than not, right?

Now time to get busy fulfilling some promises I made to others and to myself over the last 24 hours while waiting for this experience to be over.

Random thoughts for a cool Friday afternoon

Confidence is a huge turn on. 

Lack of confidence elicits the opposite feeling.

Also, timing is everything.

Finally, I miss my friend Arthur. It's been a week, but the sadness and anger are still there.