Disturbingly good

The following commercials are a few of my favorite of 2012, for various reasons...concept, music, visuals, fake Scottish accents, homage to "28 Weeks Later." I'm all about music so that played a large part in why I chose the ads that I did.

Southern Comfort - I have had this beverage on very few occasions, usually mixed with coke, but after seeing this very stylish spot with the great soundtrack, I may have to give it a second look.



I love a Scottish accent - real or fake. Claire Forlani does it well. Plus she's like the English version of Angelina Jolie. I've never had Dewars - probably never will. No, not probably - definitely. But I will remember it now, due to this ad.




Put the soundtrack to "28 Weeks Later" to any visuals and zombies immediately come to mind. It's such a trigger! Louis Vuitton, bravo for letting your agency have fun with this. Does this spot make me want to purchase something made by LV? Hell yes. Will I purchase something made by LV? Um, no, because I don't have 3K lying around...enjoy the show.




I cannot resist this man. If I have to go old-school and on the cheap, I'm a Stylee or PBR kinda girl.

New header

Buzzfeed had a great "Top 12 Stock Images Never Used" and the pita-pit photo was one of them.

Had to use it.

Had to.

Cinematic Music or This Sh*t Helps Me Run

My Sigur Ros station has been in heavy rotation on Pandora of late, and I've come across some really great post-rock bands that have become staples in my running playlists:

This Will Destroy You
Rafter
Mogwai
Explosions In The Sky
The Album Leaf
And So I Watch You From Afar
Efterklang
If These Trees Could Talk

This music is strangely uplifting, and lends itself to creating moody, dramatic movies in my head while I run, which gets me into a very nice zone.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Elf On The Shelf

Ew.

I believe...

...I just saved $110 and some change.

Yay me.

Yup.

Let go....or be dragged. -Zen proverb

Don't let anyone determine your path or stand in your way.

Embrace your basic human right to make a decision that's in your best interest.

Reframe the situation. Change up your mindset.

And on those rare, lovely occasions, it may come down to just hitting the "delete" button.

Simple as that.

I find that on these occasions, an impromptu dance party to Vampire Weekend's first album is called for...required, even. Every single song. Nonstop.

Pondering

The profound appreciation for what it means to be alive, and whole, and contributional.

Tangible and unspoken connection.

Conviction that the choice you make will bring you peace.

The ability to put one foot in front of the other, a million times over and then some.

The depth of happiness that steals your breath.

The comfort and peace in sharing a sleeping space with someone you'd trust your life with.

The shining moments.

Truth.

Tchotchke love...

I found this ornament the other day.

It’s my favorite. Of all time.

Cheese toasties rock.

I also splurged on a new mug:

Do what you like. Like what you do. Life is good.

Yup.

Much like a personal puzzle...

...all the pieces are falling into place.

I’m a little scared to list it all for fear I will jinx it. SO I will just hit the highlights:

-The 1/2 marathon training kicks off in a month, and I’m well prepared. The Fleet Feet coach who is reworking my training plan has participated in the tris I signed up for so she’s shared a lot in terms of prep, course, weather, etc. She agrees that a 1/2 is a big enough bite in tandem with my 70.3 tri training. I'll do the full marathon training in the summer to train for Chicago.

-The spinning classes at Rogue, which is ONE BLOCK FROM MY FRONT DOOR, are in full swing and I’ve just signed up for a couple later this week.

-I chatted with a couple people over the weekend who are now keyed up for some long weekend rides this winter, waiting to hear back from my buddy at Momentum to see if there are any others.

-My bikes are tuned up and working great. Still, I’m going to hit up a flat repair class tomorrow so I can get a discount on some new tools.

-I have all of my winter riding/running clothes & gear. Check.

-Might need another pair of running shoes to switch out with…so that’s on the list.

-I STILL LOVE RUNNING.

-Planning a quick weekend getaway prior to the 1/2 marathon training. I need a minibreak.

Life is ridiculously good.

All that’s left is for this PMSy-crabbiness to subside. Lol

Is it wrong....

....that I want this designer bag....

...instead of this one?

...or these shoes...

 

...instead of these?

Or this suit...

...instead of this one?

I think not....

In a word

Outstanding.

That's how I would describe this weekend.

And ya know, it never fails...when I don't make plans, my last-minute ones turn out to be fantastic.

Had amazing workouts, due to amazing weather and sticking to my schedule. Didn't get to kayak, but I had some great excursions this summer with the bananaboat, and I'm grateful for that.

Lots of time spend with friends - hiking, brunching, biking and late-night funning around.

I signed up for another race, and have one more on my radar that I'm not ready to pull the trigger on just yet. Registration opens tomorrow, and last year it sold out in March, and Feb in 2010. I figure I have until January 2nd to decide and the fee goes up to $275.

Also, a couple concerts have turned up on the radar, one of them being The Business. They are an original UK Oi! punk band who will be gracing the Firebird on 12/16. A couple fellow punk afficianado friends have expressed interest in checking out these old dodgers with me, so it could be a very fun school night, lol.

Weekends like this one fuel me for a productive and happy week. I am banking on next weekend to be a repeat. Hopeful and banking, but realistic that they all can't be as lovely as this.

I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey...

Day 2 of CrabbyFest. Get your tickets to the freakshow now.

JHC, I never have a Day 2. This is new. And I dislike it. 

I’m feeling so raw, if someone so much as blinks I may just lose it.

Gonna have a good cry tonight, about what I have no idea….fucked up hormones.

And my electrolytes are low. So I’m downing copious amounts of sugar-free Powerade in an effort to rebalance.

What. The. Fukc.

On a positive note,  I slept ridiculously well, perhaps because I stayed up way past my bedtime.

Saw “The Sessions” with my friend G last night at the late show. His friend warned us about how much nekidness there is in the movie. Nudie shots galore. LOTS of pretend sex.

NOT SO.

I’ve seen more nudity in an episode of Nip/Tuck than I did in this movie. Helen Hunt looks like any woman her age should, save for her unmoving, lineless forehead. She undresses, and gets in bed. Very tasteful, swift shots. Nothing lingering, and nothing that was out of line with the plot of the story.

No big whoop.

It was a sweet and moving film about intimacy and illness and coming to terms with physical, spiritual and emotional limitations. It was an awakening for many of the characters.

So go. You’ll probably like it.

I also learned today that someone bought me a ticket to see Bon Jovi come March, which is the last of my 80's bands I have yet to see. Yipee! Merry Christmas early to me!

That, coupled with my recent purchase of tix to see Silversun Pickups and Grouplove will make tomorrow a big, bright happy Saturday.

The only thing that has made me happy so far today has been this:

TMI, Cheese Toasty & Feet

I am so crabby I may just punch myself in the face.

Most of the time, it's awesome being a woman. It ain't today.

BTW, doesn't that toasty cheese sandwich looks awesome?

Seeing it is the only thing that's made me the least bit happy today.

I would totally promise that guy a footrub if he shared it with me.

I'd also offer to brush his hair.

Mantras in my head

Ford As I embark on my goals for 2013 (yeah, not waiting until New Year's Day, that's lame), I find that the following quotes give me strength, keep my eyes on the prize and just kinda make me happy...

• Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.  ~Henry Ford

• You must have long-range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short-range failures.  ~Charles C. Noble

• Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.  ~Art Linkletter

• Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude.  ~Ralph Marston

• Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. ~Kongzi

• Put your future in good hands - your own.  ~Author Unknown

• Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution.  ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

• It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.  ~???

• You have brains in your head.
  You have feet in your shoes.
  You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
  You're on your own.
  And you know what you know.
  You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
  ~Dr. Seuss

Double doses, revelations, and wishes

This morning, whilst getting ready for work, I turned on the television to one of my favorite movies, In Bruges. It stars Colin Farrell as a hitman crippled with guilt over having accidentally killing a little boy.

I adore Colin, his eyebrows that have a publiscist of their own and his wicked Irish ways.

Tonight, after getting home from a bike thingee I turned on the television and, what's this, Ondine is on. It stars Colin Farrell as an Irish fisherman who catches a woman in his net. The movie uses music from my favorite band, Sigur Ros, in such a way that it gives much of the movie a dreamy, fairy tale-like feel.

So, my day has been bookended by the loveliness of Colin Farrell, with a twist of Sigur Ros.

Heaven.

In class Monday I learned of a new diagnosis - covert narcissism. Very interesting stuff.

My wish as I prepare for another day - to always remain as steadfast as I feel tonight about my plans for me, in the new year.

The HH in "HH Gregg" stands for...

Holy Heck.

On the urging of my brother, we checked out HH Gregg a while back.

We were curious. It looked.....weird. Maybe it was their signage. Or the clunky name, which turns ou is an amalgam of family names.

Once we were inside, we quickly realized we may have stumbled upon a cult hiding behind the guise of a wholesale store. And as soon as the doors slid shut behind us, much like a carnival funhouse ride  we were locked in for the walk through. There was no turning back.

We instinctively (I kid you not) inched closer to each other as we tried to pick up the pace. The place was so spacious and bright, and it housed the most random selection of products divided into "pods" throughout the store.

Treadmills to the left and recliners to the right welcomed us on the beginning of our Willie Wonka journey. Had an Oompa Loompa jumped out and started singing to us I would not have been surprised in the least. I actually may have welcomed the singing, as the din from the extreme selling going on up ahead made it difficult to think.

Suddenly a small hoard (yes, hoard, because it's a negative term and accurately describes the scene) of matchy-matchy sales drones floated our way from all directions, encroaching on our personal space with a cacophany of "Welcome to HH Gregg, can I help you find anything?"

I'm pretty sure we didn't look like we needed help finding anything other than the quickest way out of CreepyWorld. Perhaps the apprehension and bewilderment on our faces were mistaken for questioning. Who knows.

Whatever the case, they wouldn't stop coming. It was like the Walking Dead zombies had donned matching polo shirts, kahkis, and horrible, horrible pasty evil clown smiles, the promise of many bad things to come were we to stay a minute longer in this house of horrors.

There was one young man who followed us from afar on our entire, very LONG three minute HH Gregg excursion. I'm convinced he was assigned to us, observe us, record our weaknesses (me - memory foam mattresses, my brother - 72 inch flatscreens) and use them against us before we were able to escape to the safety of the parking lot.

Oh yes, let's visit the mattress room, shall we? It was a separate room off of the far right corner, the promise of pillow top sleep and layaway luring unsuspecting humans into its evil depths, where weary people seeking the comfort of a good nights sleep go to disappear...

As I sat down on a memory foam (my weakness, remember) a look of panic crossed my brother's face. I've seen this expression before - when my mom was about to run over his Chewbaca action figure. It's not a face I like to see (it kind of bums me out, truth be told) and I knew what had to be done.

I jumped up, made up an excuse, beelined it out of the mattress room and stepped it up towards the front doors - the promise of freedom.

We could feel all matchy-matchy eyes on us, and I wondered what trick they would play, what trap they had in store for us as we speedwalked towards the exit. We agreed, under our breath, not to look back or make eye contact with anyone and if one of us fell behind, the other should JUST KEEP GOING, GET OUT AND GET HELP!

As the large automatic doors (obviously the matchy-matchys aren't too bright or they would've had manual doors) slid open and the cool night air hit our faces, we knew we'd made it to safety. Once in the parking lot, we weren't very quiet about how relieved we were with our escape. We could not peel out of the parking lot fast enough.

As the bright lights of HH Gregg grew smaller and smaller in my review mirror, I realized just how attractive and seductive consumerism can be. And how creepy the whole experience can feel. I also realized how much fun my brother and I have together, and how thankful I am to spend time with him.

Sure, to many the facade is appealing - large balloons pepper the parking lot, the signage is bright and seemingly innocuous, but once inside it's an altogether different feeling.

Is HH Gregg a haven for Scientology expats who couldn't cut it with the aliens but still yearned for world domination? Perhaps. Is this "megawholesale store" a cover for a Jim Jones-type operation, using fridges and flat screens and batteries as flashy, modern-day candy to lure the masses into a Heaven's Gate operation? Probably not.

But I will tell you this. The whole thing felt creepy, and I'm stickin to it.

My loyalty will now, and forever be, with Target.

Brave and engaged

It's been an interesting weekend full of wonderful time with family and friends, and also of signs.

I am a believer in signs. I don't look for them, and sometimes I don't recognize them until it's too late to do anything with them, but in that case they serve as great reminders for how incredible the universe can be. But when I do recognize them, in the moment, I do my best to understand what they mean and act accordingly.

I've had many signs over this holiday weekend and in the weeks leading up to it, and they all pointed me to an "a ha!" moment that happend earlier today.

After my run this morning I turned on NPR to catch what was left of "On Being." It's a wonderful show hosted by Krista Tippett. It used to be called "Speaking of Faith" and I'm glad they changed the name because On Being feels more encompassing and less limiting...to me, anyway.

Brene Brown was the main guest, and she discussed her research on shame and wholeheartedness and how courage is born of vulnerability.

I found that as the segment went on, I wasn't hearing anything I didn't believe in or find to be untrue. In fact, some of the things Brown discussed were things I had thought about often, but had difficulty putting into concise thoughts.

It was a truth I'd not heard expressed in this way, and she put words to a feeling that many struggle with every day.

How often do we let shame get in the way of our progress? Too often. As humans, we hold onto past hurts, done by us to others or by others onto ourselves, and we let them fester and hold us back. This is a learned behavior, it's a practiced way of thinking that I truly believe can be challenged and changed.

I share the same belief that vulnerability and truth can bring about courage and progress. I've talked about transparency before, but that's not the same thing as vulnerability.

To say that you don't go out much because you aren't very social is being transparent - you're admiting a fact, but not getting to the heart of it. To say that you don't go out much because you find it fearful to interact with new people because you feel judged and it makes you feel bad is admitting vulnerability. To then go and do the thing you fear or that might hurt you while owning the truth behind your reluctance is courageous. It's brave and engaged.

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend that, looking back, were a sort of precursor to Brown's segment in that they were wonderously moving examples of letting vulnerability out for the world to see, regardless of the impact, because the truth is unavoidable.

"Wish Me Away" is the story of country singer Chely Wright's coming out as a lesbian. She lets it all hang out in the documentary, and I was very moved by her admissions on-camera of how she felt about her family, her image, her relationship with the church, and her fans. She embraced who she was and moved forward, but throughout the story was honest about her fears and her pain. I'm not a country music fan, but I am now a fan of Chely's.

I also saw "Silver Linings Playbook", starring Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Dinero. It was a beautiful movie about family, mental illness, loss and being truthful. I so enjoyed how the screenwriter let the characters speak the truth so much throughout this movie. They owned it!! Cooper's character talks a lot about rebuilding, being broken but getting whole, and finding the silver moments and silver linings. The characters dole out one honest blow after another, both metaphorically and physically, and while they looked like they hurt many times, these blows of honesty helped get everyone on a fair playing field. I highly recommend this movie - typical Hollywood ending, but everything that leads up to it is raw and funny and warm and right.

Going back to On Being, another thing that Brown mentioned was how she'd met people who accepted their shortgivings and didn't struggle with shame. They engaged from a place of worthiness, and knew they were worthy of love and belonging and that it was on the table and non-negotiable.

I absolutely love this. Belonging is on the table and non-negotiable. Words to live by.

Unless you give them the power, there isn't anyone who can tell you you're not worthy and have it mean anything. You are in charge of your self-worth, no one else.

And it all goes back to gaining courage from the truth of your vulnerability.

So be brave. Be engaged. Hope it gets you far.

Testifyah...

A trickling down...

...can bring about spilleth.

I think a lot. Most days, I make a concious effort to live in the moment, because you cannot rely on the future and the past isn't an option.

I do my best not to overthink, which I find to be exhausting and a waste of time, and the challenges I encountered this year helped me to realize my ability to and the beauty of spending mental energy on things I have (some) control over and not to worry about that which I cannot control.

Lately, usually during the wee waking hours, thoughts creep into my mind relating to my purpose. Thoughts of how to live a fulfilling life, give back, realize the value of time and kindness and act accordingly.Forgive myself and others the pitfalls, mistakes, and wrongs which were done not out of malice but of ignorance and move forward in a positive way.

So on this day before Thanksgiving, I decidedly take a moment to pause and reflect upon that for which I am grateful:

1. Family - near and far, here and gone. I'm gthankful for the time I've had with them, and for what time remains.

2. Really, really good health. Aside from the not-quite-perfect vision which makes me bespectacled towards the end of the week, I take no medication, I have no pains, and I am clear-headed. And it's about time I started appreciating that on a larger scale...

3. A job in which I'm thanked almost on a daily basis for how much I contribute, and I know I'm a cog in the wheel of making a difference for generations to come.

4. My many years of education. My most recent degree, in Professional Counseling, was not only an education but almost three years of therapy due to the practicum, the research and generally being a guinea pig for my classmates and vice versa.

5. Straight teeth - thanks to my mom and two years of orthodontic hell.

6. My best friend, Oliver. It's all about timing, and the April day when we found each other is the day I, for the first time, invested wholly in another being. I will only have a few years left with him, and I will strive to make each of his days as happy as can be.

7. Friends - mine are amazing. The most amazing on the planet. And I strive to be equally amazing for them. My friends come in all shapes and sizes; they were made during my childhood, my college days and my adult years at work, in play and in passing. Some are brand new, others were on my 2nd grade kickball team. From wherever, whenever, I hold them dear.

8. Love - I have been blessed to have known true love a couple of times in my life. It's an amazing feeling, and my memories of the good times I shared with these people have taught me the importance of being in a relationship built on trust, respect, deep friendship and shared values. Shared musical taste is a bonus.

There's so much more I'm thankful for - French cinema, live music shows, cycling, running outside in any season, guiding my yak through various waterways, mediation - but there isn't enough time or room to list it all.

I leave you with this - whether you're celebrating big or small, alone or with many, here or away, I wish you a safe, celebratory and savory Thanksgiving.

What thousands of steps afford...

With races officially on the calendar for 2013 and training starting up in a week, I was asked by a few people what made me decide to take on the challenges and what my goals are.

In no particular order, the reasons why:

1. I can. Physically and mentally. There is no question - it's happening. I just need to train.
2. I want to meet make new friends who enjoy doing the same thing. I did that this summer with kayaking and it was a blast.
3. I'm interested in seeing how far I can push myself, safely, when it comes to endurance. Not in this for speed, but to finish standing up and smiling and looking forward to the next race.
4. I might want a new sticker on my car with a large number on it. That would make me feel good to see.
5. It's a solid way to let go of stinky ol' 2012 and slide into the new year with strength, mental fortitude and happiness.

Goals:

1. Get ripped. I want to look good, on and off the course.
2. Lose weight - no brainer.
3. See how far my hypnotherapy certification can take me in my training so that I can eventually help others in the same way.
4. Become a viable member of the racing community, whether it's through volunteering, chairing, or partnering with a newbie so I can say "been there, done that, and you can too."
5. I've been holding onto a pair of jeans from 1986. Size 3. Getting there will be fun, and if it doesn't happen I can say I tried.

I'm really looking forward to the challenges, the training, the people, and learning everything I can. I've been inspired by so many people I know, and the encouragement I've received has made my decisions very easy ones to make.

Feels good.

It's all happening

Busy week. Busier weekend, but sometimes that happens when you don't make solid plans.

Had homemade red ale at my SVP's house - he and his wife are from Lebanon so my smattering of Arabic came in handy. Lovely couple, lovely home, and extremely lovely beer.

Also, pulled the trigger on some race registrations and training with Fleet Feet.

I am prepared to kick 2013's ass.

It will be my year.

And it all begins 11/26.

What Gets Me...

There are certain movies that, when I stumble across them while perusing through the channels, I will watch through to the end:

1. Shawshank Redemption - I do believe that of everyone I've asked the question, "What are your Top 10 movies?", this movie always made the list. Highly entertaining, moving, and what a powerful ending.

2. Lost In Translation - this movie just feels good to me. I believe it has everything to do with the pace, the soundtrack, and Bill Murray. And that end scene, in which Bill's character catches up to Scarlett's character and whispers in her ear, inaudibly...it's one of the best darn endings in movie history, imo. In fact, I'm watching it right now and it inspired this post.

3. A League Of Their Own - great characters, the history of it all. It also makes me think of my grandparents and what it must have been like to live through such a life-changing time.

4. Love, Actually - such a fun movie. Huge cast - Keira Knightley, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy, Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman, Laura Linney. Lovely, bittersweet stories that take place at Christmastime. Never fails to put me in a good mood. I consider myself an optimistic realist, and a realistic romantic, and I appreciate that not every storyline is wrapped up in a perfect, pretty bow.

5. A Walk To Remember - yes, a sappy story of young love in the face of impending tragedy, as scribed by Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook), but I love Mandy Moore and how Shane West's character stops being such a douche and discovers that doing right by someone is life-changing and rewarding. I gush, but it really is one of the sweetest movies and I cannot resist.

6. Pretty In Pink - Yes, I am a teen of the 80's. I don't deny it, I embrace it.

7. Some Kind of Wonderful - the movies of all one-liners. Brilliant. Eric Stolz was at his peak here, as was Mary Stuart Masterson, Craig Scheffer and Lea Thompson. I wanted to be Watts and for Keith to be my artsy, blue-collar boyfriend. The soundtrack was fabulous - Jesus and Mary Chain, Flesh For Lulu, Stones, Charlie Sexton.

Metaphorical extension

Lee Moses. It's turning on my table today. Perfect music for a windy, recovery Sunday.

Weird little coincidences...

Went out with my friend Jarrett tonight. First dined at Ya Hala, a very delicious Middle Eastern restaurant off of 270 and the Rock Road. Who knew such flavor resided in NoCo?  Then, hit up a dive punk bar called the Waiting Room on the Rock Road. Very cool venue. Great music, hung out on the patio out back with a fire pit (no smoking near me so I'll be able to run well tomorrow). Met a really rad couple, Andy and Michelle. Andy plays in a do-wop/rockabilly band, and Michelle is a fellow therapist like myself.

We had a very detailed, deep conversation about all things music - the greatness of Ike & Tina Turner, Misfits, Fleetwood Mac before they got big and apparently were a bluesy band (??), Rock N Roll Hall of Fame trip to Cleveland, etc. We also got into a very interesting discussion about what EXACTLY makes a music fan a true music fan - do you have to own the most albums, or do you have to know yourself and the music you dig well enough to discuss but maybe not own it all? Andy and I believe that you don't have to OWN everything, but rather have a monumental appreciation for genres and gravitate to what makes you feel something, but you don't necessarily have to own it...due to the wonder that is YouTube and Pandora, you can virtually call up any song you want and listen at your own convenience. It's the gravitas you bring to the conversation. The passion. The knowledge. The respect.

So, after all of this amazing music talk, I headed home so I could get some sleep before the long-ass run tomorrow. I had Siruis on the radio, on some alternative station, and I could not believe my luck. There were three songs that played, one after the other, and each one had deep significance to certain times in my life:

1. Closer To Fine - this Indigo Girls tune was the soundtrack to most of my college years. I saw them live at Mississippi Nights, front row, and this song played in the background during some very important evenings. So good to hear, just out of the blue. Took me back to simpler times. Good times. Obliviously uncomplicated times.

2. Tempted, by Squeeze - again, part of my early years soundtrack. Such good memories, I don't know where to begin. Ahh....

3. Lost Cause, by Beck - first heard this on a late night ride down to the Venice Cafe when the album dropped. It was the start of what would eventually be years of infatuation, both bittersweet and mindblowing. It brings to mind a fond memory of a time when "what if" was constantly running through my mind on endless repeat.

It's been a long week, for many reasons. Tonight was a good night. And I know for a fact that tomorrow will be even better.

Bust a move

Had a decent run this evening, save for the darkness that came on too soon. Ran five, 11:35 pace. Happy with that, especially after slowing down a couple times to mess around with my iPod which was skipping...how does that happen?? I was in the zone, Sigur Ros soothing my every step...

Switching out between my older Brooks and newer ones for each run to see what feels better. So far, no difference. But really loving my new wool socks. Super cushy comfy.

Still love running. Love. It.

Looking into longer multi-sport races for 2013. Ran across a comparison website that tracked the least/most difficult 70.3 - Branson came in at #5. I may very well skip that and move up the calendar to Kansas. Flat, flat, flat. Me likey. Plus, one of my best friends lives in Wichita so he can come and cheer me on. It's in June, which isn't too far from now but I've got something like 30 weeks to prepare. Doable.

As I begin my training this Sunday, I want to give something up that I can reward myself with once I finish. Perhaps Hoegaarden? Or extra dark Kakao chocolate w/sea salt and white pepper? It's gotta be good...those are two things I can live without for a few months...

And in tonights episode of "American Horror Story"...

Decapitation.

Nazis.

Homosexual aversion therapy.

Masturbation.

Tumescence.

Alien abduction.

Skin removal.

Needle in the eyeball.

Prostitutes. Alcoholics.

Sex on a mental institution kitchen counter with an ax murderess.

Concentration camp atrocities.

Dismemberment.

Torture.

Anne Frank.

Seriously.....how many storylines, atrocities and history lessons can one television show pack into an hour-long (actually 47 minutes) program???

If you know me at all, you know I love a good horror movie/series. But this...well, this is just out of control.

I think I'm over this show. The first season was genius, but this is just overkill.

Yay yay!

When my cousin Mandy was little, she used to say "Yay yay!" when she was happy. I'm saying it today.

Mom is much better, and going home soon.

Her favorite nurse came by tonight to say she wouldn't be at work until Saturday and wanted to say goodbye. I thought that was so sweet.

In other news, the trip to Baltimore was a success. Very nice EP docs, lots of good info sharing. I didn't get to spend much time with my boss, but he's in the office all next week so very much looking forward to that.

A couple good concerts coming up this month - Over The Rhine and Japandroids. Again, yay yay!

I've got my eye on a big tri next year, and I'm going to officially start my training on Sunday. Haven't been swimming for a couple months, will be nice to get back to it. And I've got all my cold-weather biking gear so it's on. Nothing like a good, hard workout to elevate the mood...throw in some chilly weather and you work even harder to stay warm.

Finally, scheduled my monthly visit to Dana, my super cool massage therapist. He gave me some really helpful stretching techniques last time, and they've helped me limber up better before my runs. An hour with him feels like half a day. He's fantabulous.

Small blessings

In Baltimore for an electrophysiologist group meeting. I've been to most of the large NE coastal cities but not here - it's got a nice waterfront.

In the bar last night I got an earful from the local and visiting patrons about the impending election results. I was feeling apathetic about the whole thing, in light of recent events. It was fun watching local results come in...

I took a short, fast run this morning along the waterfront and downtown. Even though it was daylight, I had the distinct feeling that I needed to be extra alert to my surroundings. Lots of random sketchy folks meandering around. The view of the larger ships docked in the port made for a nice change of pace from my usual subdivision course.

Hoping my flight leaves on time as I have a tone of work to catch up on and want to make it up to the hospital for awhile. Apparently a nor'easter is rolling in. This is a truly boring post. Will make sure my next one has some levity.

Integrity

I'm crampy, inwardly-grouchy/outwardly-smiley, worried and chilled, but for some reason my hair is behaving today and looks darn good, so it all evens out, right?

;-)

So I just saw this amazing quote in my friend Amy's feed on FB and had to share it:

"Living with integrity means not settling for less than what you know you deserve in any of your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe." - Barbara De Angelis

Feels good to start out what could (not, hopefully) be a rough week with a reminder as to what's important.

 

Best laid plans

Did not race this morning, but did make it down to wish my friends well and watch the start. From all accounts it was a superb day to run - cool, sunny skies and beautiful weather to tackle those Forest Park hills. Looking forward to seeing the results. I'm not too bummed, the Frostbite long series is weeks away, and there's always the Go! race in the spring.

Darn pulmonologist came in the middle of the night, of course, after we'd all gone home to get some sleep. Diagnosis is chronic and inoperable condition, but second opinion is forthcoming.

Have to travel for work this week, dislike being away when this is going on.

Weekend

It's difficult to see a loved one struggle with so much pain, especially just to take a darn breath. Hopefully the specialist will have an answer. Everyone is so very nice here at the hospital - our family has spent many hours & days here over the last couple years but the care and kindness from the employees make it less terrible.

Thankful for good friends at times like these. The support and positive thoughts are mighty appreciated.

Keeping tomorrow morning on the books. My head is there...and showing up is 99% of the battle, isn't it?

Punk show

Lots of aging, hangdog punkers and frenetic noobs showed to pay respects  to punk rock royalty last night at Fubar for the Double Negative/Spits/OFF! show.

This triple bill served up a heavy dose of new and old-school punk, and the crowd was aptly appreciative.

Double Negative was very decent - stripped-down bare-bones punk that primed the crowd for what was to come.

The Spits stepped it up with a relatively light show (pun) complete with an overly-agressive smoke machine and grim reaper regalia. I'd seen them a decade ago in NYC, and while a few too many brews may have clouded my judgement then as to their true talent, they brought it last night.

Finally, the main event took the stage - Off! They are a superpunkgroup made up of former/current members of Circle Jerks, Black Flag, Burning Brides, Rocket From The Crypt and Redd Kross. Their performance was clear, raw evidence that punk never dies - it just gets older and better. Hopefully the young'ns took a lesson from these masters - they were truly outstanding.

I got to introduce my good friend Maggie to live punk rock, and she ponied up proper - but then, she's quite fearless so this was expected...and appreciated. Bill took me up to the pit for the start of the Spits, and the front row at any future concert will never again be as good as it was last night. I could only take a couple minutes of the slamming but the energy was worth it.  He also ventured into the Off! pit and stayed a good long while. He's my hero.

Saw some good 'ol friends at the show, made some new ones, and near everything in between. Me & the boys finished the night off at Crack Fox reminiscing about our favorite all-time shows. Theirs - Beastie Boys/Public Enemy/LL Cool J, Bowie - totally outrank mine (will not divulge for fear of looking lame.)

All in all, a very good night.

Feast Your Eyes....

I'm resurrecting a former blog post from my old Prairie Fire Girl blog that lists all of my favorite scary movies. I'll be adding some to the list, though, as I've recently discovered French and Italian horror cinema...and let's not forget the gorefest that is Korean cinema...ewww.

I am a true horror movie fan, which means I watch them year round. I love to see them in the theater - in fact, I rarely miss seeing a new release that meets my criteria. So when Halloween rolls around, I'm ready for some new scare-fodder.

Here are my lists:

Favorite horror movies
1. Halloween (original 1978 version)
2. The Exorcist
3. The Shining
4. Friday the 13th (original)
5. Carrie
6. Inside (French realistic)
7. House of 1,000 Corpses
8. Devil's Rejects
9. Halloween (Rob Zombie remake)
10. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version)

Honorable Mentions
-The Ring (American) or Ringu (Asian)
-The Orphanage (Italian)
-The Others
-Blair Witch Project (uniqueness)
-Paranormal Activity 1 (uniqueness and on the cheap)
-Insidious
-Sinister (Ethan Hawke, good plot, hilarious deputy)
-A Tale of Two Sisters (Korean)
-I Saw The Devil (Korean)

Favorite Cheesy Horror Movies
1. Motel Hell
2. I Spit On Your Grave
3. Don't Look In The Basement
4. Young Frankenstein
5. The Last House On The Left
6. Killer Clowns from Outer Space

Television
1. American Horror Story - Season 1 (jury is still out on Season 2)
2. Walking Dead
3. Munsters
4. Adamms Family
5. Lost (it was kind of a nightmare....right?)
6. Dead Like Me
7. Six Feat Under
8. Pushing Up Daisies
9. Days of our Lives (exorcisms, witches, devils...all wrapped up in a daytime soap. Genius!)

Update

-Ran just over 6 miles. Not the 8 I'd had in mind but I'm happy, and tired, just the same. 12:26 pace - I blame it on the breeze and new route. :-) Really not concerned at all about pace/speed/winning. My big win is just finishing and LOVING it. I dream about running. Seriously. It's getting weird...

-Since there will be hoardes of chilluns at my door tomorrow night begging for wrapped & branded sugar, I plan on doing a short bike tomorrow morning. Short is the key word...dislike biking in the dark, but it cannot get any safer than New Town.

-I have many friends in NYC who I'm praying for right now. No word in a while, so assuming their power is out and they're conserving batteries. Looks like a disaster area. NYC is resilient, as are its inhabitants. Still, sending good thoughts.

-My heat is working again...H to the Y! Minor fix, not "user error" so I'm a happy girl.

- Special shout out to my fellow LU alum Kari Shea Stopp and her lovely Charlotte Stopp for rescuing two wayward mutts. I'm happy to know people with such huge, warm hearts.

- Big team meeting tomorrow. Anticipating some potential shake-ups, due to growth and some folks leaving/repositioning. Not worried, but curious to see in what way we'll be growing and moving.

- SO looking forward to the Spits/Off! show this Thursday. Decent venue, lots of friends going. Bunch of old, crusty punkers we are. Life is good.

- I still reach for the phone to call my grandma. Not every day, but at least a couple times a week. Wonder if this will ever go away? Part of me hopes it won't. It's a bittersweet reminder...

- My dog is in dire need of a haircut. He's got what I can his "homeless man" look. Case in point, the pic above.

Listing...

...as in making a list. No, I'm not on the side of a downtrodden, wave-beaten vessel attempting to navigate the harshness of Hurricane Sandy, or whatever it's been downgraded to...

I have been questioning something for quite a while now. It's a choice I made, many years ago, and I continued on the pathway that choice initially set me on.

There comes a time when you must ask yourself why you make the choices you do, and why you stick around for something that might in fact be holding you back. Or rather, allow yourself to be held back because, let's face it, the holding back comes from within 99.9% of the time.

Now, I'm a short-term list maker. I'll make a list at the beginning and end of the day with To Do items on it. I typically don't list out past 24 hours. Life can get messy, the list can get mangled, and that can become frustrating. So I make nibble lists. Easy to digest and discard.

I spelled out my original choice at the top of a piece of paper, and then just let flow. I came up with many questions related to the choice and the path, and found many answers that were at first a little tough to swallow, and eventually became enlightening:

1. Why did I originally make this choice? (fears, hopes, goals, insecurities, etc.)
2. What good has come of it?
3. What have the negative results been?
4. What do I gain from veering from the path? (forward motion, peace, perspective)
5. What can change for me if I move forward? (personal, professional, health, spirit)
6. What would I tell someone in my shoes who made this same choice and kept on the path for so long?

You can't change the past, but you can take steps to ensure you don't make the same choice again. Well, there's that small word with ginormous impact - choice. We all have choices to make, whether it's deciding to taste a new food, sleeping in an extra ten minutes, taking the long road home for the view or letting go of a past hurt in order to heal.

So take time to regard the situation and check in with yourself before you make a move that could be detrimental down the line. Know who you are, what you need, what you're willing to give up, and what you're okay with giving in to. And don't forget to make a list.

On a lighter note, I'm aiming for an 8-miler tonight. Tune in tomorrow for a recap of how that little adventure goes. :-)  And I promise the there will be some fun posts coming up - I've got a good concert lined up this week, and some weekend fun as well. Pics and replay coming your way...

Simple lessons learned the hard way...

One of the few positive things that have come from the different types of loss I’ve experienced this year is how my outlook on some things have changed. I won't say I'm 100% in any of these, but getting there...

Do not trouble yourself with that which cannot be controlled.

I used to sweat the small stuff. Bigtime. Someone once pointed out to me how often I would ask them “What’s wrong?”…nothing was ever wrong with them, but the question came from within. My worry would take over – were they mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Said something I shouldn’t have? I don’t do this any longer. The one thing I know I can control is how I react to things - stress, goodness, pain, indifference. I work to remember this as much as possible.

Take time to live in the moment.

This is a big one. I find that I remind myself to stop, slow down, and let the moment sink in. I talk to my dog a lot – he likes this, and I enjoy watching his little face wait for words that he recognizes like "walk" and "Busy Bone" and "toy." I play with him more often also - it's such a joy to watch him leap into the air to grab a sqeaky toy! I also stop to take in the amazing sights, sounds and smells in nature – cloud formations, the sounds leaves make when gently rustled by the wind, the fragrance of a freshly rained-on sidewalk. I take the time to put more thought into email replies, conversations and letters. And most importantly, I am taking more time for myself and those whom I love. I’m not into living it out…I’m into living for the now.

Let go of the pain.

Owning the pain and experiencing it is important. It makes you feel alive, and it’s a large part of the healing process. If you ignore it, it will come back. If you push it aside, it will sneak back in. Take ownership of it, let it run its course and then let it go. And don’t be fooled into thinking that there is a time limit – pain, whatever the cause and however great or slight, will remain as long as you need it to and will move on when you’re ready.

Be good to yourself.

Not just a Journey song, but so very true. Your life is a gift. Whatever brain power, health, and attributes you have, embrace them and empower them. The better you are to yourself, the more you can give back to others.

Forgive.

This applies to yourself and others. Holding onto hurt is just another way to hold yourself back. Shit happens – usually it’s not meant out of malice. If it is, then that person needs your forgiveness even more. Now, this doesn’t mean you should keep them in your life. Some people aren’t good to have around. Whatever the case, wish them well, wish yourself well, and move on.

Move forward.

Do this however you can – small or momentous. Every little bit makes a difference. Looking back is fine, as it gives you perspective on how far you’ve come. But don’t let your gaze linger too long, or it will trip you up.

What lovely caress....

These bands/songs are hot on my playlist at the moment:
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Clink, clink, clink....Warriors.....come out and play-ay....

On the nights I get my herr did, at the fabulous Bouffant Daddy salon in Maplewood, I stop by Kakao for a bit of extra dark chocolate w/sea salt.

So late last night, while winding down and catching up on some Tivo’d shows, I broke out the chocolate and had a tiny bit.

Let it be known that if I eat anything past 7:00 pm it usually leads to vivid dreams.

Last night was no exception.

My first dream took me back to college, and my ex bf/future husband was there, as was Maggie, the dog we adopted together. She’s since passed on, and it was very bittersweet to see her. And somewhat bittersweet to see the ex….those were good times.

Then I woke up about 1:30, laid there, tossed and turned, and finally fell back asleep.

My second dream was very detailed. I was in the movie The Warriors, and I was an extra Lizzie. The Lizzies were a girl gang, all fros and tough-sexy. So the dream consisted of me running around with the girl gang, chasing the Warriors among the dark  and dirty NYC streets. There was steam sifting up from manholes and streetlights and it was damp and a little chilly. I was wearing this pink, satin rollerskating jacket I used to have back in gradeschool, jeans and boots. My hair was frizzed out, and I had a bandana around my neck.

Too vivid, I’m telling ya.

It was a fun dream – I feel like I ran the entire time.

I’m wondering what effect dark chocolate w/pepper would have…might try it soon.

Here is a clip of the Lizzies vs Warriors, so you can visualize me in the scene:

Below is my FAVORITE clip of all time....super creepy, classic:

More joy...unintentional and kilted

My colleague told me of a site where you could download motivational mp3 files for sports and such. http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/  She said a few of them had helped her with her sports technique.

I went ahead and checked out the site, and found what I thought might be a good choice – "Keep Running, Endurance."

At $12, it was worth it to me to try it. There wasn’t a preview, however, so I was going into this blind (or deaf, as the case would be). I’m pretty particular about my voices. I’ve used YouTube for relaxation videos and sometimes the presenter’s voice just didn’t get me there – they were either too grating, weird, soft, creepy. You get the picture.

I listened to the audio file last night after my run…wanted to give it my full attention and process it before I actually used it.

Before I disclose what took place, I need to preface it with a little-known fact. I dig accents. British, Irish, Australian, Lebanese…I like ‘em all. But there’s one that sends me over the moon. Gets my heart all a’twitter and weak in the knees.

Scottish.

I have no idea why. No rhyme or reason to it. Some things you just gotta embrace. :-)

So, can you guess where this is going?

Well, the mp3 started up, and a soothing male voice began to speak. Softly, melodically and WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh my. My oh my.

I nearly melted into the couch.  It was fantastic! What a great surprise to listen to while I cooled down from the run.

A friend came over last night and I played it for him - I believe in sharing the joy. He got a good laugh when I told him I may be unable to run directly after listening to the audio file as I may need some recovery time.

I’m in heaven. Running just got even better.

The therapist who recorded it is named Roger Elliott. He has numerous recordings on the site, and I highly recommend him as his voice is very soothing, and the script he uses is motivational, grounded and natural.

The joy of running

I only learned this a month ago.

I've been known to be a late bloomer in some things. :-)

I’ve been running, on and off, since high school.

It’s never been anything I enjoyed. At all.

Sprints were okay, as were hurdles. Long distance? Bleh - not my cup of tea, but I did it to help stay in shape and because my friends were in track. And I did it with intense hatred.

I've had a special mantra in my head, reserved for long runs.

“I f*cking hate this.” Sometimes it varied. "This sucks."

Not sure where it came from, or how it developed, but I’ve always had a hate-hate relationship with running. I approached it in a half-assed, grudging way, and it did the same for me in return.

If there's anything I've learned throughout my life, it's that you can control how you react to something or someone, and this is a powerful thing. Your state of mind can make all the difference.

I’ve been taking a certification course in hypnotherapy. No, it’s not hypnosis, we don't use watches or trick people into acting like a chicken. It's more of a deeply relaxed state so that a client can work through issues such as phobias, trauma, pain, grief, and sports performance.

All the demonstrations I saw in class and had experienced first-hand as a demo subject made me a believer. If you’re open to it, and the therapist is patient and skilled, you can accomplish much through hypnotherapy. Might sound hokey (it did to me the first time I sat in class), so I get it if you’re reading this going “ah, yeah..whatever”.  But it does have it’s benefits.

So back to my tale of kick-ass. One evening ;ast month, as I was preparing for a run, I decided to employ some of the deep relaxation techniques used in hypnotherapy on myself while doing a short pre-run stretch. It was kind of on a whim, just popped in my head as I was lacing up my right shoe. What the hell, I thought, I had nothing to lose. I'm certain it helped to approach it with a very laid-back, open attitude.

I don’t remember much, but what I do recall doing was mapping out my run in my head (3.2 miles, door to door, to my mom’s house and back), deciding that I would not stop at all, but rather slow down to a comfortable pace to overcome whatever might be ailing me, and to find small “goals” throughout, such as working on a negative split and improving my time by a minimum of 10 seconds.

Nothing too complicated. And again, approaching it in a way that it felt very basic, unencumbered and light probably helped. I uncomplicated it. :-)

Then, on a whim, I decided to add balance to the run. I’m big on balance, and I decided to listen to that part of myself in this situation. I usually run with my inhaler in one hand, rarely used, but it helps me feel comfortable. So what I did was find something equal in size and shape to hold in the other hand. My little can of mace fit the bill. I didn't think I'd need to use it, but this way I felt even, balanced.

And here’s what happened….

I completed the run at a good pace, with a negative split, and didn’t slow down or stop.

It didn't feel effortless, but it felt fantastic.

I arrived home feeling euphoric – runners high? Maybe. I don’t need to label it – whatever it was rocked.

But most importantly, I never once had a negative thought in my head. I waited for it, as it was the norm. All I thought about was how great running felt. Everything – the pace, the night sky, the smells of autumn.

Since then, I haven’t looked back. I want to run every day, and have to stop myself from doing so. I run every other day, and after each run I start planning out my next one. I missed a day due to travel recently, and it made me feel off-kilter.

So while I’ve run on and off throughout my life, I never considered myself a runner.

I do now.

And after a shit year, finally having a few things come together feels like a thousand blessings.

Update: Just finished a 6 mile run. 11:43 average pace. Very happy with that. Now for a hot shower, some good conversation, maybe a little wine and some foot reflexology.

I had

a wonderful run tonight. Everything clicked.

The weather was on the warm side, around 76, but the neighborhood was still, peaceful, and smelled great...woody, green, dusty.

I got into such a zone that I missed my turn and didn't realize until I was about three blocks down. So I took the next turn and explored a bit of the hood I wasn't familiar with.

It was a nice and easy run until the last half mile, which I busted out a bit faster.

Overall pace was 11:06.

I almost feel like putting my shoes back on for an encore.

Do I dare...

Taking stock

I had been working on a recap of my very eventful weekend, but I feel this is more important to start off the week with.

I just received an email from a coworker. She’d gotten into an auto accident over the weekend and wanted to let us all know she was okay. She was driving her small VW and it was hit by a semi. She flipped over on the highway.

The pics were frightening.

She went on to say that she feels she has a second chance at life, and cannot begin to express her gratitude.

I am so thankful that she’s okay – she’s a very unique and special person, and I personally feel grateful that she’ll be around so I can keep getting to know her. She’s a professional, giving and inspirational gal and makes coming to the office all the more fun.

It’s this kind of thing that puts life into perspective. It makes you take stock of what you have, pay more attention to what you don’t, and put plans into motion to hold onto what’s dear and go after what you want.

I'm already doing this, in many ways, but her situation has renewed my intent.

It's going to be a good week.

Cricket conspiracy...

Tonight's run was fraught with....hilarity.

I drafted for about a half mile behind my neighbor, who was pushing his kid in a jogging stroller. I ended up increasing my pace just a bit in order to keep up. That I enjoyed.

After he went his separate way, I dodged loose gravel, small and large piles, at the end of the subdivision that's undergoing major buildout. Couldn't really get in a groove, and it felt more like a trail run than road. Still fun.

Once I turned down my mom's street, which has more empty lots than houses, I swear I had to dodge random crickets who were not hopping to the left or right to get out of my way, but rather just ahead of where my feet were going. This happened with three crickets, one right after another. It was like a conspiracy to throw me off - the cricket community launched a full-scale attack on my pace. I managed to keep moving, in a straight line, and didn't smush a one. Yay me. Lucky crickets.

On my way back home, my right foot started to go numb. Ha! I was wearing newer shoes, so this was my fault. I didn't want to stop and relace, so I pushed through the ever-growing deadening of my foot. Weird feeling, but it didn't stop me from pushing on.

And finally, when I rounded the corner and started down the long drag down the lake towards the fountain by my house, a four-seater pedal kart with headlights passed me on my left with four people chatting away. I've seen this before, as well as golf carts and those odd-looking elliptical cycle.

I made it home, pace was 11:13. Not too bad. I'm happy with that.

Taking the mountain bike out tomorrow after work for a group ride. Glad my new cold weather cycling gear was delivered today (jacket, tights, shoe covers and baclava) 'cause it's gonna be on the chilly side tomorrow (low 50's).

Hot shower is calling. Gonna go answer it.