One of the few positive things that have come from the different types of loss I’ve experienced this year is how my outlook on some things have changed. I won't say I'm 100% in any of these, but getting there...
Do not trouble yourself with that which cannot be controlled.
I used to sweat the small stuff. Bigtime. Someone once pointed out to me how often I would ask them “What’s wrong?”…nothing was ever wrong with them, but the question came from within. My worry would take over – were they mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Said something I shouldn’t have? I don’t do this any longer. The one thing I know I can control is how I react to things - stress, goodness, pain, indifference. I work to remember this as much as possible.
Take time to live in the moment.
This is a big one. I find that I remind myself to stop, slow down, and let the moment sink in. I talk to my dog a lot – he likes this, and I enjoy watching his little face wait for words that he recognizes like "walk" and "Busy Bone" and "toy." I play with him more often also - it's such a joy to watch him leap into the air to grab a sqeaky toy! I also stop to take in the amazing sights, sounds and smells in nature – cloud formations, the sounds leaves make when gently rustled by the wind, the fragrance of a freshly rained-on sidewalk. I take the time to put more thought into email replies, conversations and letters. And most importantly, I am taking more time for myself and those whom I love. I’m not into living it out…I’m into living for the now.
Let go of the pain.
Owning the pain and experiencing it is important. It makes you feel alive, and it’s a large part of the healing process. If you ignore it, it will come back. If you push it aside, it will sneak back in. Take ownership of it, let it run its course and then let it go. And don’t be fooled into thinking that there is a time limit – pain, whatever the cause and however great or slight, will remain as long as you need it to and will move on when you’re ready.
Be good to yourself.
Not just a Journey song, but so very true. Your life is a gift. Whatever brain power, health, and attributes you have, embrace them and empower them. The better you are to yourself, the more you can give back to others.
Forgive.
This applies to yourself and others. Holding onto hurt is just another way to hold yourself back. Shit happens – usually it’s not meant out of malice. If it is, then that person needs your forgiveness even more. Now, this doesn’t mean you should keep them in your life. Some people aren’t good to have around. Whatever the case, wish them well, wish yourself well, and move on.
Move forward.
Do this however you can – small or momentous. Every little bit makes a difference. Looking back is fine, as it gives you perspective on how far you’ve come. But don’t let your gaze linger too long, or it will trip you up.
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