Buhbye Vaca

Sad to see my vacation come to a end.

It's been a nice, relaxing week and a half off. Stopped in today to grab some files, ghost town.

It's going to be supremely busy year, but a great one.

How do I know?

It's all about attitude :-)

Musings on One Direction

I'm watching SNL as I get ready for work. One Direction is the musical guest.

I've never listened to their music nor do I know anything about them except for there's a boy named Harry Styles who my friend's son used to have hair like, apparently. Thankfully, no one compares my friend's son to Harry since he got a haircut. Read on...

-Harry Styles has the worst hair of any musician I've ever seen. Worse than Nelson. Worse than Cyndi Lauper. Worse than any look Tilda Swinton sported in any indie movie. Contrary to the name of the band, his hair goes every direction and then some. Harry looks like he's auditioning for the new Beethoven movie. Comb your hair, sir. Better yet, shave it off in case some woodland creature has made it's home in there...

-Dirty Boy: not sure what his name is, but he has a toddler of mustache, three-day adult facial growth and greezy looking locks like Kevin Bacon did in the 80s. He also is wearing a scoop neck t-shirt and you can see some tattoo peeking out, which made it feel like he was trying too hard. Love me some tats, but mister you look contagious.

-Mr. Neato: this guy has a perfectly coiffed head of hair, symmetrical features and resembles either of the two members of Color Me Badd who could've been twins for their Ken-like appearances. Decent voice, solid stage presence but doesn't stand out. Bet he smells like starch and Ivory soap.

-JT Wannabe: blondie has a good voice and some panache when it comes to performing, cute like a high school glee club front runner. I like him.

-Stiffy Mockneck: he made me uncomfortable with his uncomfortableness. He barely moved around, his voice wasn't strong, and it felt like maybe the producers or label of the group decided there wasn't enough diversity and they threw him in there to represent. I get the feeling he's searching for his "thing" and I hope he finds it. He came across as sweet and hopeful, and I'm hopeful he finds his light and lets it shine.

Brene Brown - words of wisdom

I watched a TED Talk this weekend featuring Brene Brown, and so much of what she said is what I believe in, but hearing it put so thoughtfully and elegantly really made it all hit home. It sunk in, deeply. Here goes...

Believe you're worthy of love and belonging.

The commonalities of this include wholeheartedness, have a sense of courage (telling who you are with your whole heart); treat yourself with compassion.

The result will be authenticity. Your authenticity.

Also, be willing to embrace your vulnerability.

You can't numb the bad stuff - fear, pain - without numbing the other affects like joy, happiness, love.

We are imperfect and wired for struggle but we are worthy of love and affection.

Be authentic and real. How?

1. Let ourselves be deeply seen
2. Love with our whole hearts
3. Practice gratitude and joy
4. Realize that we are enough.

Doing this will make us kinder and gentler.

The unknown

Can be hellish or blissful.

I'm going with bliss.

5 1/2 more months...

Gratitude

The holiday and vacation have been wonderful thus far.

I'm blessed to have an amazing family, and friends I can call family as well. Being able to share time with these people who accept you as you are, want only good things for you and would do anything to see you smile, and for whom you feel the same way, is a blessing.

Two more days left, going to make them count.

Obs

Sometimes people show their true colors in very subtle ways, like a watercolor, and you miss it.

But other times they show their colors like a full-blown 10-story building covered in graffiti, and that is hard to miss.

Friends

I have great friends.

Some I have known for 25 years. Some I have known for less than one.

All are integral to my well-being, and I hope I am there for them in that way as well.

They constantly amaze me with their compassion, their understanding and acceptance. Their wisdom, humor and wit keep me grounded, safe and happy.

If there's one thing I excel at, it's picking kick ass friends.

I'm damn lucky. Damn lucky.

Surprises

Today was a really good day. Kind of unexpected given recent circumstances, but everything fell into place.

Thankful for surprises such as this.

Well

As my friend Scott so elegantly put it, everything happens for a reason.

I believe this also. The reason may not present itself for a long time, but it eventually does.

But in the moment, like three weeks ago when I was told Arthur was gone, and even now, there's no reason I can think of that he had to leave this world in that way.

Maybe to make me realize what he meant to me? I always knew that, didn't need any kind of reminder.

Wow

Amazing night. Just got home. Three hours til my morning run.

Run, schmun. i got this.

Tired face, scratchy voice and excessive yawns are inevitable, but worth every minute.

What's up, doc

Let me start by saying that the BJH Breast Health Center is a top-notch facility. Efficiency, intelligence and kindness overflow from the folks who work there, from the administration to the docs.

Constant, light pain is what prompted me to see them. For three months my right nipple has been sore. I made an appt to see my OB/GYN and while everything looked okay from the outside, she said I needed to get a mammogram and ultrasound ASAP to rule anything out.
The Breast Health Center got me in the very next day (today).

Last night I wasn't sweating the situation, but this morning was a whole different story. Everything I saw and heard, every corner I turned I connected with bad news/breast cancer/death. I think this is a normal reaction to anyone who feels as if they're about to face their mortality head-on.

They started with a bi-lateral mammogram, which didn't hurt at all, just mild discomfort. They then told me to sit in the waiting room while the radiologist viewed the pics. After about 10 minutes they called me back in for a whole new set of very painful squish pics of just my right breast - seven in all. Ouch!! That smarted for awhile, and got me thinking that having a second round wasn't a good sign.

Then they brought me in for an ultrasound, which was done by a resident. Light pressure, easy peasy, he said he didn't see anything but some asymmetry in the glands. He went and got the main physician, who used a lot of pressure for quite a while, going over and over the same area. She called another doc in to look, and then they left the room.

A couple minutes later the resident came in to tell me that they saw some asymmetry in the glands in the right breast, but nothing that looks bad. Since I don't know my family history or have any previous tests to use as a baseline, they want me back in six months for another diagnostic mamm and ultrasound to rule anything out. If the nipple pain gets worse or I see any discharge, skin changes or feel any difference (lumps) in the next six months, they told me to come back in before my appt.

So it would seem I have been given a reprieve - a free six-month pass.

I'll take it.

I'm glad I went in, as scary as the whole experience was. Better to know than not, right?

Now time to get busy fulfilling some promises I made to others and to myself over the last 24 hours while waiting for this experience to be over.

Random thoughts for a cool Friday afternoon

Confidence is a huge turn on. 

Lack of confidence elicits the opposite feeling.

Also, timing is everything.

Finally, I miss my friend Arthur. It's been a week, but the sadness and anger are still there. 

Bad Day

Extenuating circumstances or not, when someone close to you takes their own life, it's natural to feel sad, and also a little (or a lot) angry.

I'm angry at the circumstances. His actions were brought on by a bad reaction to new medication his physician recently put him on. He had a four year old daughter whom he lived for, and would have never done what he did yesterday had he not been reacting to the meds. He lived his life with purpose, and walked and talked that purpose. And it took less than a week on this particular medication to alter his outlook and his reality to the point where he decided it would be better to end his life than feel so helpless. It tears me up to think of the pain he must have been in to have thought this was the only way out.

I don't know every detail of what went down yesterday morning and don't want to. The more I know, the more I'd play the "why didn't I/someone" game in my head and that's no good for anyone. And I just don't want to know because I hate to think of how he might have been feeling or what his actions were leading up to the end. It would be more than I can handle right now.

What I know is that it all happened very fast. When I got the first call about the events playing out, I was on my way to work. It sounded like everything that could be done was being done, help was on the way. When I got the second call less than two minutes later, I was relieved thinking it would be good news, because you want to pass on the good news quickly, and wait on the bad...right? It wasn't good news, and I wasn't prepared.

I'm so thankful I made it to Memphis last weekend. That small detail makes this whole thing a little less devastating.

As his brother so eloquently said, "Apparently the strong ones, the ones you never see fall - pay attention, the merest whisper for help needs to be interpreted as a scream. Pay attention to the ones you love. Take nothing for granted."

We lost a wonderful friend, father, son, brother, uncle and champion yesterday. Arthur was a bright, warm and funny man and I'm lucky to have had him in my life for as long as I did. I miss him very much.

Southern Hospitality

Another long weekend in Memphis.

Explored Midtown, went to our favorite dive The Cove, and hunted down a bottle of Stone Woot Stout for B.

Nice to get away, but happy to be home.

Tick, tick, tick...

I can understand why some people are wary of a woman leading the country.

I was so supremely crabby today, I couldn't tolerate anything. Imagine if I had access to "the button"...

Ka. Boom.

The predictability of this ferocious feminine cycle is a bonus. 21 days of calm enlightenment, three days of eating everything in sight like a starving Tom Hanks rescued in Castaway, an entire 24-hours of hating every person in my presence, and four days of wishing I could stay in a hut.

Bring on the hut...

Randomness

Saw Argo. Meh. I despise 1970's "fashion" so it's difficult for me to see through to the plot.

Saw Insidious 2. Outstanding. Well worth sitting through a sequel.

Rediscovered Sunny Day Real Estate. Makes life better.

Recently discovered Passenger, J. Roddy Walston & The Business, and Martin Sexton. Good stuff.

I appreciate kind & genuine people who "go there"...by letting people in, you create authentic connection.

I am having a real epiphany regarding meat and processed food. Can't really do it any longer without feeling like I'm being poisoned. I'm very happy with my free-range eggs, greens, granola and fruits. Oh, and cheese here and there.

Had a bad case of DOMS last week, mainly biceps. Days of pain. Not cool, arms. Not cool.

I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin and with who I am more than ever before. I like the added confidence this brings about.

Yoga is more beneficial than I ever thought it could be. Same goes for running.

38 days to Halloween. Yes.

Dexter

I went through multiple years of really good, decent and lame storylines to sit through the worst series finale in cable television history?

Suck.

Happy Monday. Bah.

Things I like. Things I don't.

I like:

Running at night. 

That Capt. Kirk (Chris Pine) appears to have died in the new Star Trek move. I'm not through watching it, but I'm going to assume they will use Khan's cells to regenerate him. Dammit.

Eating clean.

Super soft t-shirts.

Cut off jean shorts.

My hair in 2010.

Benedict Cumberbatch.

British dramas.

Snugglin.

Fall.

Things I don't like:

Chris Pine's eyebrows.

The new Star Trek movie. Boring.

Bad kissers.

Mondays.

Decisions...

Got home from a delightful run, decided to flip through channels after shower.

The Shining is on.

Yessss.

Excellent movie. Very slow, but atmospheric and creepy and highly original.

It's the part where Olive Oil is trapped in the bathroom - classic scene. Her face is just so damn comical, I find it difficult taking her seriously.


Scatman is going to get axed soon, and then the weird Furry scene in the bedroom. And the finale...flipping lighted hedge maze chase scene.

I remember when I first saw this, I was just a little kid...Danny was retracing his steps backwards and I thought he was having a seizure. I didn't get it. Over my young head.

Not great to watch before bed, but hey...gotta taste life while you can.

Double Happiness

So much to look forward to.

Life is good.

Honor

A friend passed along some very wise words of wisdom today, after hearing about a recent experience.

I made a judgement call and put an end to a person/situation which didn't seem to have my best interests at heart.

He said that what I did was honor myself.

I really dig that. He immediately got it. And I do, too.

My friends have depth. I'm a lucky gal.

Still love to run

Yup.

Just want to go further. And I am.

It's all happening.

Vegewhat?

So day 23 on the vegetarian path.

I have not craved meat at all.

That surprises me, seeing as how
I used to love a good, juicy medium rare steak.

I try to work myself up to wanting some and I just can't. The thought of biting into bird muscle or cow hip repulses me.

I'm happy to be listening to my body...head, gut, whatever. Something's telling me that meat isn't on the menu just now, and that's just fine with me.

On a related note, I woke up in the middle of the night and I swear I could smell a Burger King Whopper. Weirdest thing.
Perhaps my subconscious is craving a burger. It was a very distinct aroma.

I know what you're thinking. I'm a lady, I don't do that.

And Ollie toots on a rare occasion, but it smells nothing like fast food. Wish it did...

TMI. :-)

And I'm out...

Timing

The moment I see someone, really see them, as a potential player in my future happiness...I hear Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter" in my head.

That opening, melodic, crunchy guitar riff.

That is what potential sounds like to me.

Adoption Day

I just received the nicest flower arrangement from my aunt and uncle for my adoption day.

It was a nice surprise - made me tear up.

Who's the luckiest adopted girl in the world?

Me. :-)

Yah Mon

Morning cycling recap:
Avg speed: 16.4
Avg rpm: 87
Total miles: 32
Total hills: 4
Total times Chaka Demus' "Murder She Wrote" played thanks to sneaky iPod repeat: 5

Feeling pretty good, wish I had gotten out sooner - it's damn hot out. Will run tonight after BBQ. Should be cooler.

As I got situated on the bike, I looked up at the perfect, blue & bright sky and thought immediately of my friend who passed away last Sunday night. So, I dedicated the ride to him. I'm completely convinced he is still with us, in some way. I may feel differently after the services next week, but for now he's with me in spirit. This past weekend I reread our correspondence from over the years, and am so thankful to still have that. We had some stellar conversations, on and off the page. His last two phrases he wrote me were "Positivity beats all!! Believe it!"

I do.

As I was writing this, one of our shared favorite songs came on - Iridescent by Linkin Park. He turned me on to it, and we both related to the message - let it go. You can be your own worst enemy by holding onto hurt and frustration and the past. Just let that shit go and look ahead with happiness.

Good message. Good man.

Riddle me this...

Questions for the universe:

1. Why do certain foods taste so damn good in my mouth, yet other parts of my body reject them (plums, bing cherries, anything dairy, Mac & Cheese, Indian cuisine)?

2. Why is it so easy to give advice, yet so difficult to follow said advice when situation arises (boyfriends, over thinking, open water swimming, taking chances)?

3. Why aren't all dressing rooms like the ones at Victoria's Secret?

4. Why isn't there a remake of Pitch Perfect in the works, because this movie is pure awesomeness and I need more. More!!

5. Why can't my dog speak so that he can tell me where he was from birth to year four and how he came to be in my life?

Shock

A friend of mine passed away last night in his sleep.

I just found out through a FB post from a mutual friend that had "RIP" in it.

It was a nice post, but was very jarring to see those letters next to my friend's name. I had to clarify, hoping that maybe my friend was no longer employed and that's why our mutual friend was saying goodbye.

We had just spoken last week. He had been having some health issues, but nothing that in my mind would lead to death. He was only 38.

I am so sad. He was a very passionate, deeply loving man who always "went there" with his feelings, and those of you who know me know how much I appreciate that in a person, as did he. He was very intelligent, spiritual and witty, and our conversations always left me feeling good and usually renewed in some way.

I can't believe I won't get the chance to talk with him again. So many times I've seen people rally against the death of someone dear with the phrase, "it's not fair, they were taken too soon." I can tell you in this case words never rang truer.

I haven't lost many people in my life, for which I'm grateful, but the few I have lost leave holes in my heart and the sadness chips away at the happiness.

So as I sit here, unable to do much of anything except cry, I count myself lucky to have known that kind, funny and compassionate man. I wish I had just one more minute to look into his eyes and tell him exactly that, and how he is appreciated and a gift and loved.

Rest in peace, my friend. I am certain you are in a good place and no longer in pain. You are already terribly missed, and the memory of you, while is not even close to a replacement, will be held onto tightly and with love.

Rec's

You should check these movies out...

-Happy Happy
-The Loneliest Planet
-Elle's
-Out of the Wild:Alaska
-Half the Sky
-Here
-Olso August 31st
-Polisse
-Tonight You're Mine
-First Circle
-Look,Stranger
-Breaking Upwards

I am

freakin busy.

Can't complain.

Life is darn good.

Dreaming of Memphis. NYC. Amsterdam.

Soon. Not too far off. This year.

Mazel.

i think

life happens when you're trying to make the right decision.

Time's a'wastin.

They said what??

Memorable quotes from this weekend (I'm quite sure there are more, too many to remember):

- he plays a mean skin flute

- Rodiger. Rodiger Summers Eve.

- They look like a 30 year old's....

- Shit happens. Sometimes literally.

- Kristin? Thank you for driving. (21 times)

- Pasta.

- Topo Chico.

- Keep up the good work.

- I love this video. Father Figure, by George Michael.

- You can take as much mint as you want.

- I like to rub pudding on my lips. It feels good.

- His anal gland was about to explode.

- Belvedere is the best. Not Grey Goose. Not Ketel One.

Weekend Recap

The triathlon was wonderful, despite the lakewater incident.

Having my buddy Peter there, talking me through the swim, giving me tips, helped tremendously. Once we took a look at the lake, it no longer felt threatening.

I met more members of the tri club, all very welcoming and encouraging.

The weather on Saturday was gorgeous - warm, overcast, low humidity.

The course was flat and well-marked. The volunteers cheerful and helpful.

Really, aside from the stomach thing, it was perfect.

I am excited for my next race, and to really kick up the training, specifically swimming and running,  beginning tomorrow.

I also got to see dear friends on this race weekend. What's so wonderful about our friendship is that we can pick up after nine (can you believe it?) years and not skip a beat.

There are people who you call friends, and there are people that, when you think about them, literally warm your heart. These are the warm-your-heart kind of people.

What made it even more special was that I got to see their family members also, all very kind, fun folks. It was a reunion of sorts, due to my friend Robby's birthday, and it was such an unexpected surprise. Spending hours with these funny, loving people was exactly what I needed.

I need to see these people more often. I mean that. I am planning on going back in July, if they'll have me. :-)

Couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Dwelling on a minor mishap won't do any good. I'd rather focus on what's ahead, and the inspiration I can take with me as I continue to bust ass for future races.

That's right. Bust ass.

Crossed, uncrossed

The forecast calls for scattered thunderstorms this weekend.

Not sure if I should cross or uncross my fingers for this reality.

I'm in love

With Netflix.

Thinking of dumping cable altogether. I rarely watch it anyway.

So many good films, so little time.

Would you?

1. If you could choose any age to go back in time to, but would have to live your life again from that moment on, which would it be?

There are a few ages I would choose. 12. 16. 19. Key turning points in my life, for which decisions were made that shaped the rest of my life. No regrets, but it would be fun to see how differently things would turn out.

2. If you could see into the future and choose to learn one of the following things, which would you choose:

a. The winning Powerball number for the first Saturday in July, 2013

b. The cure for all cancers

c. The cure for alzheimers/dementia

d. The day, time and method you'll die

Yeah, I'm not telling this one. If you know me, you'll guess correctly.

3. If you could switch lives with one living person, who would you choose:

a. Prince William's unborn baby

b. Mark Cuban

c. President Obama

d. Bear Grylls

I might choose Mark Cuban. He seems like a smart, likeable guy. And he's not old. And he's not stressed out. And he's not a British embryo.

4. If you had to choose to live in one of the following places, would you choose:

a. A Tibetan monastery that had a full gym, perfect weather, Netflix, gorgeous outdoor gardens and the worlds largest library, and your grandparents whom have been dead for years are suddenly alive, don't age and will live out their lives with you. BUT you can't ever speak a word to anyone or touch anyone and vice versa.

b. A luxury 8,000 sq. ft penthouse apartment in a 20-story highrise in NYC, complete with a private rooftop pool, gym, media room, and indoor rock climbing wall, but there is no elevator and you're missing a leg. But, Benedict Cumberbatch. (or Kate Upton) is alive and well, single and into you, living one floor below.

c. A beautiful Tuscan villa with outdoor gardens, your own vineyards and winery, an olive grove and press, fresh goats milk, fruit trees, a lush vegetable garden that produces year round, a pool overlooking the countryside and a private chef, but you have no sense of smell or taste.

d. A small, old house on the outskirts of Reykjavic, no indoor bathroom, only cold water (hot water would need to be boiled on stovetop), and a mattress stuffed with straw, but you and your one and only true love would live there, in perfect harmony, playing endless hands of Spades and games of Yahtzee and cooking and eating your favorite meals together for 80 years in good health until the day you both die, together, in each other's arms.

Two things

1. I dislike seersucker suits on men.

To me, it's just one of the most abhorrent fashion statements ever, second only to 70's belted polyester jumpsuits.

Pair it with a hat, and I will never be able to look at that man again and take him seriously. Derby day or not. Uhh....

A banana hammock or sling would be preferable. Hat optional.

2. I was asked today if I smoke pot.

Nope, I don't. And I'll tell you why.

I can appreciate the medicinal aspects of it.

I can also appreciate the recreational aspects of it.

But I've had a boyfriend, fiance and husband who were very dependent on large, continuous quantities to be happy, and that I don't agree with.

I don't care if anyone else does. But it's just not for me.

Randomlings

- I get sad when my favorite Chinese Noodles restaurant switches the sauce on their cold noodles. Why mess with perfection?

- There is no truer way to test the limits of your creativity in regards to protection, defense and offense than when someone threatens a member of your family.

- My dog is pouting because I won't take him out in the rain. Tonight, I'm a bad but dry pet owner.

- In two weeks I get to see my British crush Benedict Cumberbatch on the big screen. He's in some sci-fi move....Start Trek, I think? ;-)

- In my head, I'm singing, "Heartburn, go away, come again some other day" to the tune of Nine Inch Nails "Down In It"

- On the way home from work I saw this quote on a billboard:
"Storms make trees take deeper roots." - Dolly Pardon   
Very true. But what is this doing on a billboard on 370?

- My friend ran in the rain today. This inspires me. I will run tomorrow, rain or not.

Channeling Patrick Swayze...

So I tried on my wetsuit today.

I think even my dog laughed at the hilarity that ensued.

Trying to get a wetsuit on is much like trying to pull up a pair of wet jeans.

It ain't happening without some trickery.

Wetsuits are delicate. They don't look it, but they are.

So you can't force it or it will rip, so I've been told. Glad I was told, because getting this sucker on was stressful.

So, much like how we used to pull up hose in the olden days, I started slow and inched up the legs so the crotch ended up where the crotch should be.

After that, it was a cinch.

The back zipper has an EZ Out zipper that has a cord you use to pull it up all the way, easy peasy.

As I was doing this, my mind went to the movie "Point Break" which features Patrick Swayze and Kanunu (Keanu) Reeves as surfers. Surfers who wear wetsuits.

So.

You could say I pulled a Swayze today.

And that made me feel good, and lighthearted, as he always came across that way in interviews.

This makes me want to watch this cheesy movie.

Speaking of cheesy...

And finally, NO ONE sleeps like this, unless they want a dislocated shoulder:

Rules

Ollie is a creature of habit.

To the point of annoyance.

I typically turn in around 10. Sundays nights, a bit later.

I got caught up in multiple chats on FB and work IM and around 11, Ollie started to get fidgety and snorty.

I asked him if he wanted to go seepy seep.

This question lead to a full-on meltdown. He ran around the house as if his bum were on fire, and then jumped on my lap
And got all up in my grill.

Turns out, sneak had not eaten the Busy Bone I gave him earlier and had instead stashed it in his bed.

Oh, I rectified that right quick. He doesn't get treats when I'm not around, as I fear he'll choke. Watchful mama am I.

So I distracted him with a toy and snatched up that treat. He then went berserker trying to dig it out of his bed.

He's pouting now.

Not a good night to be a spoiled dog in my house.

Don't Wait

-to take that long walk on the riverfront to see the receding water; nature is amazing, take advantage of the ever-changing moments to appreciate how wild they really are and how lucky you are to witness them.

-to get those miles in that are on your training plan; push yourself and reap the eventual rewards.

-for your idea of the "right" person to come along and tell you they love you; love yourself, and make yourself available to the many soulmates that are out there, looking for you, too.

-to tell your dog how they came to be in your life, and you in theirs, again and again. While dogs can't talk back, they love to listen.

-to spend a good two hours getting through more than a few chapters in that nightstand book that beckons. Enjoy the adventure of getting to the end.

-to take advantage of a rainy, cool morning to sleep in; it's a rare delight, and when the circumstances are right, seize the opportunity.

-give some thought to your long-term plans; if they need to be modified for safety, comfort, achievability, make the adjustment and embrace the new plan.

-to hold the hand of someone you like very much; touch is an amazing way to communicate what words might not adequately convey.

-to feel good enough to smile. Smiles have a transformative power. Often, a smile can change your mood, and the mood of others. Win, win.

-to remind yourself of your worth; no one can dictate what you deserve, what you need or how special you are, that's up to you.

-to give a full-on hug to someone you know. Both arms wrapped around the other person, good sqeezing going on, maybe some hand patting. Get in there and make it happen. I have a good friend who is an awesome hugger, and when I ask for one I get one, and it immediately brightens my mood.

For a good example, see below:

I'm reminded of these things on a daily/weekly basis. Helps to write them down.

Plus, I just saw the documentary The Human Experience and it got me thinking...

This.

In a past relationship I was cheated on.

Did I want to know about the other woman?

Hell no. She didn't factor into the situation at all. I didn't know her, she didn't cheat on me, and I didn't want or need an explanation from her. If it hadn't have been her, it would've been someone else.

I wanted to know what HE was thinking, why he did it.

I wanted to know why our relationship wasn't enough, why I wasn't enough, what it was he wanted so badly that I couldn't give him.

There are many reasons why people cheat, but it comes down to one thing, really.

A person cheats because they aren't happy with their current situation, i.e., their partner.

And this article explains that so well.

My ex bf eventually left that woman and ended up marrying someone in his firm and they now have a baby. He is happy, and that's a good thing.

So am I.

Shaken

Watching the footage of runners about to cross the finish line of what may be their first, second or tenth marathon, I'm filled with pride. What an accomplishment! I am not sure I will ever do one in my lifetime, but as I train for a half, I know the preparation - physical, mental, emotional - that goes into readying yourself for such a feat.

Watching the footage of runners and spectators run for their lives, sprinting in terror away from the clouds of smoke that billow from the blast sight, children and families in tow, makes me sick to my stomach and sad and angry.

I'm so sickened by what happened today. I am sad for the people in Boston and my friends who live there. And I don't this this is over, and I worry for what is coming.

Whomever is the behind these attacks is sending a message. I think they're saying they can get us anywhere, anytime, and whenever they like.

They're right.

What happened today can be repeated in most large public events.

So how do we go on from here?

On a grand scale, we can arm ourselves with knowledge. We can elect officials whom we feel will work to keep us safe. We can keep out of harms way and cut
back on events and travel.

On a smaller and more personal scale, we can reach out to those who we love, and tell them so. We can put our phones down and connect with people in our lives in a meaningful way. We can take a breath, live in the moment and be good to ourselves. Take stock. Live in the now.

I hope they find out who is responsible for this attack. And I hope that when they do, SWIFT and JUST punishment is taken.

Bust

A move.

That is what's happening tomorrow.

I haven't worked out in over seven days due to the stomach virus I have finally, thankfully kicked.

I am raring to go.

Tomorrow morning is mine.

And with that, I say sleep tight.

Movie Review: It's drippy

Either my age is catching up with me or my stomach is getting weak.

I have a movie review, and then a bit of commentary on a new televisions show. Let's get to the good stuff.
The movie? The remake of Evil Dead. Saw it opening night.

As far as remakes go, this was well done. A little low on the humor side when compared to the original, but who says it has to measure up in that department? Not sure anyone can do the original justice, which is why I am glad the director chose to take the remake in the direction he did.

It surpasses the original in horror, gore and all-around evil.

There were boo moments. There were funny moments. And there were many creepy, atmospheric, spooky moments that will thrill any true horror movie fan.

What got to me was the gore. Seriously, on numerous occasions my hands flew to my face, my eyes squeezed shut, and I waited to look until I thought it was safe. Most of the time it was still happening. We heard others in the theater say things like "I can't believe they showed that!" and varying degrees of ooh's and eww's.

I couldn't take it. Not sure if it was the build up, the situation and then the acts themselves, but there were many scenes that made me think about leaving.

This POV is coming from a bonafide horror movie fan. I've seen them all - the classics, the splatterfests, the B-movies, the Dario Argentos and Tobe Hoopers and Takashi Miikes and Sam Raimis. When I was in grade school I used to beg, BEG my mom to buy the Fangoria magazine for me because I loved to read about horror and look at the cool special effects makeup. Looking back, I'm thankful she didn't waste her money, the VHS movies sated my need for spookiness.

Having become a horror movie fan at such an early age, I feel that I've seen so much, I should be conditioned to whatever gore is thrown up on the big screen. Not so, I guess.

There is only one other movie that I couldn't get through, which was Nishimura's Tokyo Gore Police. Unwatchable. From the first minute. Too bad, I heard it's good.

Evil Dead was 85% watchable, 15% not so much. It was good, check it out if you like horror movies. But be warned - it's drippy.

On the television side of things, there is a mid-season replacement drama on NBC (YES! NBC!) called Hannibal, which is based on the title character from the movie of the same name and a character from The Silence Of The Lambs.

I've watched American Horror Story and NCIS, so I'm no stranger to murder plots and dead bodies. I don't watch for that stuff, I like the mystery and detective work. But this show is just too creepy for me. It's not gory, really, but the gore is implied, and I know it's coming, so I'm opting out early in favor of happy, nightmare-free sleep.

I love the actors - Mads Mikkelsen, Hugh Dancy. And I read that the plot is very good. But seriously, this is too creepy even for me.

I love a good scare. And a good plot. But I guess I'm just over the gore.

Sometimes...

...all the precautions in the world cannot prevent the bug from gettin' ya.

I caught something my first day in Dallas. It picked up speed the morning of the meeting, and hasn't released it's grip until this afternoon. I worked yesterday from home, but due to lack of sleep and the frequency of the ick, I had to take a sick day today.

However, at this moment I feel somewhat human.

It's taking everything I have to eat, tho. The thought of food makes me queasy on top of my current queasiness.

I haven't been this tummy sick since I was a wee one.

Can't wait to get back to work, and working out.

Countin down the hours to normalcy. I feel like one of the many backyard snails I snapped pics of after the downpour this afternoon.

Oh, and then there's this

The worst sleep I've had in awhile.

Not sure if it was the filet, or overcooked greens, or what, but my stomach is rebelling big time.

So today should be lotso fun.

Uhh.

Hopefulness vs. Expectations

If you give without expecting anything in return, the chance of getting hurt go down significantly, sometimes to nothing.

This is hard to do, if you're like me and you believe in the goodness of others.

If you give while remaining hopeful that there will be reciprocation, you might get hurt but that's life.

If there's anything I've learned through those difficult life lessons, it's that the only person you can rely on is yourself.

That said, be good to yourself. Be your own best friend. Recognize that you've got what it takes to make yourself whole.

Love yourself.

Keep the hope, but lose the expectations.

Counting recent blessings

I'm sittin on my porch with the pup.

Actual downtime...what a blessing.

Actual spring weather...another blessing.

Finished work early and rode bike...

Can it get any better?

Apparently so!

Two of the kindest people on earth who I'm blessed to call friends just announced they're having their first baby.

Blessings all around.

It's been an amazing three hours :-)

So metal...

1. Catching up to and passing a runner who's been lapping you for months.

2. Making your own granola. While wearing you ex's favorite concert t-shirt. As Iggy Pop blares on your phonograph.

3. Getting to see reggae legends and your fave local reggae band, in the same evening. With good, chill friends.

4. Counting down the days and hours until the big meeting is over and you can have a good stretch and cry during Bikram yoga. The heat instantly dries the tears, so nobody's the wiser.

5. Making out. In your ex's favorite concert t-shirt. While listening to The Velvet Underground on the phonograph. And then snacking on your uber-tasty homemade granola.

6. Fantastically long showers. The ones where you sit down partway through and pretend you're in a rainforest. You know what I'm talking about.

7. Possessing the ability to pick up random small, light household objects with your toes.

8. Taking your dog on two walks after work. Because he deserves it. Every day.

9. Liking your job, even on the most hectic, mind-splitting days.

10. The mountains of Colorado. Yeah, you know the ones...the Rockies. Heaven.

Metal.

Overheard in my head....and outta my mouth

"Millenials are cleverly-disguised robots dressed in Ann Taylor and Brooks Brothers. And occasionally Old Navy. So scary."

"Stop. Hammertime." MANY times. I dork out often.

"Email sucks. It's like a person who pokes you continuously all day long. It huuurts."

"I want a cheese toasty. And a beer. And some canned pears. Blended."

"Take a breath. Breathe, now...do it."

"Most women I know have had the bad, embarrassing, disappointing sex that was shown on 'Girls'...but none of us want to relive that shit!"

"I need a vacation. Soon. Or I may go mental."

"I am willing to singlehandedly attempt to resurrect the genius that was shorts/Birks/wool socks. Heaven."

"4:00 a.m. is my new wake time. Word. Gonna turn in like a grama erry night, yo."

Nibble, chomp

Last week was one of non-stop nibbling, which is to say I was busy from wake to sleep.

Today was a case of big 'ol chomps. Had a major meeting in which big decisions were finally made and are now moving along, and my workout was a Danger Will Robinson Level 9.5 hour-long spin class. I pushed more than I ever believe I have and got into the best zone during the big hills sections. I'm already incredibly sore, but that's the payoff.

I have to say, if I had to choose a nibble or a chomp day, I'd go with chomp. It feels fantastic to score big. However, you need nibble days to keep the peace and remind yourself that steady pace gets big results, too, it just takes longer.

The same could be said for tri training. Steady workouts during the week, with longer ones on the weekend make for a good combo.

Looking forward to a week of nibbles and chomps, getting together with my IM mentor and my coach, & getting out of town for a bit...but only after the workout is done.

Oh, and I'm so jonesing for warm weather. Long rides are much more pleasant in 50 degrees or above.

Clarifyah

Respectively - in the order given

Respectfully - given marked or proper respect

Two very similar-sounding words, with wholly different meanings.

True story: When used incorrectly in a sentence, can create ire and consternation. :-)

On a side note, here are some of my favorite made-up words:

HA HA - NO!      RIGHT
Essentric               Eccentric

Supposably          Supposedly

Expecially             Especially

Febuary               February

Nuculer               Nuclear

Ruff                     Roof 

Acrossed            Across

Excetera             Et cetera

Buh'nn                Button

Mischivious        Mischievous

That which does not destroy me...

....nourishes me.

Or, something like that.

I'm a real stickler when it comes to balance. I value my personal time. I want to see my family and friends, spend time with my dog, and get some "me" time on the calendar. If these things don't happen, I get nutty.

I've managed to roll with the crazy this week, and while I am pretty exhausted today I don't feel terrible. I might go so far as to say I feel more alive?

I really enjoy my job. Getting to work closely, daily, with some of the best and brightest medical minds in the country is a blessing. It's something I enjoyed back at BJC, and due to my new role as program manager here at AH I am on the forefront of patient safety initatives, therapeutic taskforces and resource integration. There is so much that goes into health care management and physician support, and I'm thankful to be a part of it.

The longer hours, travel, and non-stop workload are part of the package, and I welcome it all. However, the downside is it makes my schedule all wonky which can thwart my attempts at balance IF I DON'T PLAN.

Which brings to mind this quote: No one plans to fail - they fail to plan.

In a discussion with my coach last night, the great Jeremy Koerber, the topic of sleep came up. Ah, sleep. Not an easy thing for me. He said that the more I get, the better my muscles will recover, the more it will help me with reaching my goal weight, etc. I get that. And I want that.

I have no problem working out late at night. In fact, this helps me to sleep better. For most people I know it wakes them up. If I train in the morning, it wakes me up. If I train at night, it helps me sleep better. Kind of a win, win.

I just need to be steadfast about creating a schedule and sticking with it.

That is my goal this weekend. Get the schedule down for the next few months.

Oh, and sleep. :-)

Ahh

Really great 3-day weekend.

Got many chores out of the way Friday, and also got the kayak rack installed at the Alpine Shop. Looking forward to putting it to use soon, the yak has been dry for far too long.

Saturday I had a great session with my coach Jeremy from Integrated Wellness. We worked on increasing areas of my strength training routine. We also talked about working on speed. That afternoon the sun peeked out for a good long while so I took advantage and did an 18-mile bike ride. Heaven. Sore now but worth it.

Today I waited til the rain let up and did a 7 miler. Plodded along but got'er dun. Even more sore now. Hello, foam roller...

My tri-buddy Peter has been uber helpful in giving me tri training tips - apps, swimming, nutrition - and I'm so grateful for the help and the friendship/mentoring. We're planning a ride sometime in the near future...at least when my schedule lets up later on this month when my boss is back...

Thinking about starting a tri blog to track my progress this year. If so, will need to
launch soon...

On a side note, Girls is such a boring disaster. The first season was clever and unique and had a snappy script. This season is lacking punch and panache and is wholly a letdown. Why do I keep watching? I'm hoping against hope it gets better. Wtf, Lena Dunham? Where's the steam?

On another side note, I had breakfast with my best gal pal today and it was such a good, long chatfest! We've not seen each other for awhile, and even though we talk almost everyday, there's something special about looking your confidant in the eye and having those meaningful convos. She also gave me a dozen of her high-school records - Rex Smith, Rick Springfield, Chicago 17, etc. She's so damn rad!!!

I have a crush on Haim...

There's a song called "Forever" by the band Haim that's about to suffer overexposure on Siruis XM, but I don't care.

These girls are fabulous. The band features two sisters and some other girl. The song has a good beat and you can dance to it. And now that I've seen the video, I'm intrigued, so very intrigued, because the mature, polished voice doesn't match the package it comes in WHATSOEVER - a shoegazer/goth/indie waif, distant cousin to Legolas the elf from LOTR who doesn't look much older than 18.

But then, I can say the same thing about Fiona Apple back in the day.

So, when I first heard the song it reminded me of about a dozen songs from my childhood. 80's New Wave, pop, and dance hits. And it takes me back to that time in my life, when life was all about music and sock hops and cruising main and crushing on boys and sleep overs and all that really good kid stuff.

Here is "Forever"




And here is Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam's "Head To Toe"...kinda similar beat:



Haim's sound is like a conglomeration of Rick Astley beats,  Everything But The Girl, with a Gloriea Estefan Latin twist thrown in to spice it up. And yet, it's also singularly unique and yummy. I have to say, they've grown on me.

The lead singer is fun to watch as she chews and snarls out her words with such an elegant voice. She's ariddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. I might have a girl crush.

Here's another one, super catchy, and the lead singer's look in this one reminds me of Patti Smith...and Mayim Bialik...and Liv Tyler. Oh, and I love that they have awkward-yet-cool-lazy-looking choregraphy. Cracks me up! I am sure they did it themselves, because these ladies are obviously multitalented.

I bet they use Prell shampoo and wear anklet socks with pom poms and rollerskate on the weekends at an actual rink that spins records like J. Geils Band and Supertramp.

So damn rad.

I want Haim to play at my birthday party. :-)

Crackly head, sniffle, Ironman

My doggie had a loose tooth, and a crackly head.

Turns out the loose tooth was a minor thing, and the crackly head was subcutaneous emphysema which means that air got under his skin from some tiny hole somewhere on his head.

The vet, who is the nicest man, brought in some shiny pliers and in about three seconds had that tooth out. Very little bleeding, and Ollie was good as new.

Very small fee as well. Had been prepared to shell out much more.

A while after we got home, Ollie was acting low and bothered, hanging his head off of the couch. I called the vet at 7:55, and he said if I could be there in five, he'd give me a couple pain pills for him. Again, how cool is my vet?? Super cool. Ollie is resting now, hopefully not in any pain.

On the sickee front, I'm feeling better today. Still coughing some, and wheezy and stuffy, but overall don't feel like a truck rolled over me.

Ready to hit the gym tomorrow and bust out Jeremy's workout, and am going to bed early so I can fit everything in tomorrow.

Also, I have a new tri buddy and am learning much in the way of nutrition, gear, training, etc. Always glad to have the support and the insight, especially from a seasoned racer. My swimming is sub-par, I need all the help I can get. Lol

So these things....my dog being okay, me feeling better, workout help...are enough to make this girl happy.

Deciding to be happy, to find the good in almost any situation, takes little effort. And the end result is darn fine.

Betta

Slept in, which I'm quite certain isnaiding in my recovery. My cough has dissipated a bit, and the fever took a hike. Made it to the gym and got through the new routine from my coach.

Took Ollie for another slow 1-miler, and saw a neighbor running with his doggie, a little bigger than Ollie. Welcome to the Small Dog Running Club, buddy...always room for one more. :-)

Missing out on mucho fun this weekend - the Alpine Shop is having its paddling event, with deep discounts on gear and fun films. And the Tri Club had a bike trainer session that my buddy went to...pics look like fun was had by all. Bah.

Ah well...spring is around the corner. I'll rally soon.

Fever?

The upside to being sick?

1. You get taken care of

2. You get to stay in and watch movies while under the covers.

I'd read "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" and thought it was a darn good book.

Just finished the film.

Balled my fool head off.

I don't remember being this affected by the book, so I'm thinking that I still have a fever?

We shall see...the hunt is on for the thermometer.

Snow buddy

I'm sticking to my guns, bronchitis or not.

I got home from work early after seeing the doc, and when I took Ollie out I told him we would be doing a short run.

He pawed up to the challenge.

Now I'm feeling all booey...that run was the cake, but I'm ready to decomp and snuggle with da boy.

Huffin and Puffin

Being sick at home is the pits, but traveling for work with a nasty cold makes it even worse. I don't get much sleep in hotels, especially when a train comes by every so often. Dallas was great from a professional perspective, but so glad to be home.

On a positive note, I am doing the March "Run Every Day" challenge from I <3 To Run.  Doesn't have to be the usual 3+ miles - it can be a brief warm-up on the treadmill prior to busting out some strength training.

I am planning to do mine indoors later today, due to the crap roads/trails today and the ick that's inhabiting my body at the moment.

I still love running. And running loves me. :-)

On a not-so-positive note, my little Oliver seems to be fighting a respiratory ailment as well. He's a little wheezy, like his mama. Hoping it's nothing he picked up from the kennel.

Obnoxious Cat, Mother Nature, Dorm Room, Revenge

A recent meeting with my coach in discussing endurance and strength training and upcoming events got me thinking about motivation.

Motivation is a funny thing.

Sometimes you search for it, ferret it out from the dark corner in which it hides, and hold fast so it doesn't slip away. I call that Obnoxious Cat motivation. It doesn't want to be there, it's temporary, and in the end it slinks away and hides once again, not wanting to be found. I could use another adjective, but cats are pretty darn obnoxious so it stays.

And other times, motivation sweeps over you like a warm wave...or takes your breath away like a cold blast of air. This is Mother Nature motivation. It's unpredictable, a force to be reckoned with, and can have lasting effects. You've got to use it to your advantage, and ride it out. Don't fight it - own it!

There's also Dorm Room motivation. This is a goofy, fun one that can be really useful. Cut out pics of people or places or things that represent your end goal - whether it's a trip to Antigua, a sleek new Audi or that wicked six-pack stomach - and put together a collage for your wall/fridge/bathroom mirror. To see these motivational images everyday reminds you of why you're up at 5 a.m. to work out or just work.

And othen there's this - one of the best motivators of all. Revenge. Being able to prove to yourself that the someone whom you thought was in your corner isn't needed....they don't figure into your plan. You've let their empty words, their fasle solicitousness hold you back, but no longer. You've got support. You've got a plan. You've Got This. And when you reach your goal, you've won. For yourself.

Mine is currently a combination, about 65/25 Mother Nature and Revenge, with a smidge of Dorm Room thrown in (nothing on my walls, but my screen saver serves me well.)

What's yours?

Small Circles and Barnyard Skills

My coach put me through an awesome workout yesterday, which brought on the sore about two hours after. I think it's peaked...lets hope, because I've got a 9-mile run today. Either way it will be enjoyable.

Supporter vs Cheerleader: Supporters pony up and bring it, cheerleaders dress up & yell, all flash and no substance.

Schooling and hipster glasses don't hide the barnyard skills.

Small circles are sometimes better.

Met the owner of one of the establishments we hung out at last night. Very genuine, easy and delightful to be around. Kinda made my night.

Thundersleet

A winter storm approaches. The city of St. Louis freaks out.

However, this storm looks to be bringing ice with it, which does not bode well for anyone - not even a native North Dakotan like me who's been through many blizzards and learned how to drive in disasterous conditions. So, freaking out is a good thing in this case.

That said, my inner survivalist kicked in. I packed up my cold-weather emergency roadside kit. The following are things that everyone should have within reach if they're traveling during a weather emergency:

-flares
-a blanket
-a flashlight (I have one but need batteries, which I'll be getting shortly)
-gloves, hat, mittens, jacket, socks (extra layering for warmth in case you get stuck)
-water
-energy bars
-phone charger
-ice scraper
-pocket knife (this goes with me on kayaking trips also...for cutting errant fishing line that can take you down)
-towel (if you get wet, gotta dry off to prevent frostbite)
-Lighter (melting snow)
-Red scarf (for tying to antenna for visibilty, alerts)
-Little first aid kit

They're taking about power outages. When that happens, I tend to turn up my heat an extra 5 degrees, which helps prevent the house from cooling down as quickly. I also make sure I know where my flashlights are, candles and lighters.

Good times on the horizon. We'll see how this all shakes out.

Star Wars

Where's Superman when you need him?

http://news.yahoo.com/possible-meteor-shower-reported-eastern-russia-052833588.html?.tsrc=yahoo

Movie Review - Side Effects

Soderbergh's latest flick is even, entertaining and not without a few twists that make for a sweet ending.

Rooney Mara was steady in her delivery, as was Jude Law...I'd forgotten how enjoyable he is to watch. Catherine Zeta-Jones was too over-the-top for me but glammy enough to pay attention to. Channing Tatum was barely there, but enough to hold my attention. What might hold your attention, whatever your predilection, is the girl-on-girl action. Wait for it - it's good.

As with most Soderbergh flicks, he provides a realistic, intimate look into relationships and doesn't hold back much - there are some steamy scenes that bring to life what might otherwise feel like a character study.

The plot twists aren't too heavy handed, and there's some foreshadowing to help get you there.

All in all, a fine film to spend an afternoon with.

Mindfulness

I first learned of mindfulness years ago when I dated a practicing Buddhist. I only started practicing it myself when it was reintroduced to me when I was pursuing my therapy degree.

Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you practice mindfulness you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance without judgement. You love in the moment.

It's very helpful to find well-being and combat stress.

It also helps tremendously in learning how to respond to self and outside criticism.

It's also incredibly helpful when running. I practice this at the beginning of my run, which ultimately morphs into a meditative state.

Good stuff.

In the immortal words of Kiss...

...Shout It Out Loud.

Or, at least speak up.

If you don't ask for what you want, chances are you're not going to get it.

Mind reading isn't a talent anyone has mastered, so don't expect anyone to know what you're thinking.

That said, speak your peace.

Make your intentions known.

Ask for what you want.

If you don't ask, and you don't get it, the loss is on you.

I Love It Loud.

Metro hot-handedness

On Friday afternoon while I was at my desk working on a project, I realized how painfully tight my neck and shoulder muscles were. It had been a very busy week, and with my training, class and unexpected projects, the tension had settled in and boy was it painful.

Not for long.

I had a small window of opportunity on Friday between getting off of work and plans I had, so I decided to call a local spa to see if they had any openings. I really didn't think I'd be successful - but kept my fingers crossed that they'd have something.

Yup they did, from 5:30 - 6:00.

Bam. Done. Booked it.

The spa is called Metro, and it's on 1st Capital just off of Main Street in St. Chuck. My appointment was with RC. I found parking, and walked into a very small space, which looked to be in the middle of renovations.

A strapping gentleman with a beaming smile and tangible charisma walked into the foyer from the back hallway and asked if I was Kristin. He then introduced himself as RC and that he'd be handling my massage that day.

Find and dandy by me.

He handed me a menu, and asked me to choose music I'd like to listen to whilst getting rubbed down.

The choices were, in a word, fantastic. Really. Tori Amos, Mazzy Star, Portishead were just a few of the tantalizing picks. Did they sneak a peek at my college playlist? Uncanny. I settled on Dead Can Dance "Spirit Chaser", one of my favorite albums of all time.

The massage room  was cozy, warm and smelled very fainlty of something minty. Turned out it was the massage oil they use...Aveda something or other.

The massage itself was more than I could've hoped for. He focused on my lower back, upper back, shoulders and neck. He was working out the knots with easy pressure, and when he'd move on to another area, I felt such relief in the spots he had just manipulated. His hands were large, but not rough. He'd also warmed them up, as well as the table, so the entire experience was like a giant, warm hug.

When my eyes weren't closed, I had a good view of his shoes. Very large, handsome leather slip-ons. Perhaps Earth, Ecco or some other earthy-crunchy label. Probably good for someone who's on their feet all day.

He finished off by pulling a hot, wet towel out of the towel warmer and draping it across my back, where he pressed down with his hands and slowly slipped it off.

Perfection.

I have to say, for a last-minute quicky massage, it surpassed my expectations.

Go see RC at Metro. You won't be disappointed. Tell him Kristin Hall sent you.

Below is my favorite song from Spiritchaser.

These things are not good.

Unleashed, large-breed dogs with no human in sight.

Sore neck.

Back-to-back conference calls. All day.

Current gas prices.

Covert narcissists.

Rainy-day traffic in STL.

Parents passing on their fears and strife to their kids. Innocence is to be protected at all costs.

Realizing your favorite pair of kicks are a size too small to run long distances in. Numb feet are no fun.

Banana bread with nuts. Why ruin a lovely flavor and consistency with nuts? Not a nice surprise.

Fashionistas jumping off bridges. Waste of life.

Freezing rain.

Finally learning how old your rescue dog really is, and realizing that there's probably not much time left.

Speaking of dogs, the price of quality dog food. Outrageous.

The state of mental health care in our country. It's failing so many...

Mistaking a plaintain for a banana.

Mistaking unsavory ulterior motives for true friendship.

Lack of sleep when paired with operating heavy machinery or high-level communication efforts.

Not giving yourself a break.

These things are good.

Pirate aspirations.

Surfer dudes with hatchet skills.

Long gazes, no words.

Double features, one ticket.

Getting here to there without stopping.

A good mix of intensity and duration. Often.

Colin Ferrell movies.

Burning calories the old fashioned way.

Matching socks.

Long, happy makeout sessions.

Sigur Ros.

Having a conversation without speaking.

Really deep, satisfying laughter.

Brutal, painful, look-in-this-mirror-and-face-the-fire honesty.

Chinese takeout jammie carpet picnic.

Catching a good B&W movie with the right person.

Breakfast for dinner.

Taking the leap.

Worn-soft sheets.

River sounds.

Playing records long into the deep, dark night.

Tonging - opposite of spooning…sleeping back-to-back but touching. Very intimate but yet, you also feel you have your space…

Bah

That's my new favorite word.

It's not negative, but rather used as emphasis.

An example:

"We got more inches of snow than expected. Bah."

My next favorite word?

Cabining.

:-)

Funny Bidness....kah KAW!

Ran across this article today about being vocal in bed...how it's a turn on for both parties.

Sure, making some noises is better than silence. If you've ever had a partner who was fairly silent during the nookie, you know that any noise is better no noise at all. Yeah...that's no fun.

But what if the person you're getting it on with has that weird, high-pitched, nasaly "sex voice" that jars you out of the moment and makes you open your eyes to make sure you're still doing it with a dude and not a a dudette?

You KNOW what I'm talking about...those disconcerting noises that sound like bird calls.

Upon googling "funny sex noises", I found this gem.




Kah KAW!

A request

So, I have a friend who is, hands down, the strongest person I know.

I won't go into detail, but this friend has fought health problems for longer than I've known her, and her attitude, while realistic, is always upbeat and positive.

She's going through a very rough time right now. She's never far from my thoughts, I chat with her every day, and am constantly astounded by her strength in the face of unreal adversity. Astounded.

I believe in the power of positive thought. If somehow, more people put good thoughts about her out to the universe, perhaps some of that positive energy will reach her and help interrupt or asuage or just fucking stop the pain that she's going through.

So, I'm asking you, please send some good thoughts her way. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not.

Just a postitive thought: Feel better. Stay Strong. No more pain. Life will get better.

Thank you.

Who are you?

Every night, since the end of last April, before I go to sleep I make it a point to remember something good about my life from that day, and to think something I look forward to upon waking up.

I'm thankful.

I've been thinking about this lately - the good things.  When work or life gets crazy, I also think about what I could be faced with, which makes me even more grateful.

I am not:

-facing another night of cold and hunger, not knowing when my next meal or warm bed will be

-working in an oven-hot, windowless factory, bent over machinery, my fingers and back cramped while I make toys that sell for $15.00, and my hourly wage is $.15

-a woman on her first, second or third marriage who's husband is unfaithful which makes her take it out on her kids

-battling a life-threatening illness

-alone

I am:

-thankful to have a warm place to call my home

-blessed to have a wonderful boss, a rewarding job and the opportunity to work towards better health for hundreds of thousands of people

-overjoyed to have real love in my life

-amazed and grateful to be as healthy as I am and dont' take it for granted any longer

-lucky to have the most wonderful dog on the planet as my best buddy

And, much like this next clip....

I'm also just a girl......

standing in front of a boy....

asking him to love her. ;-)



Bwahahahaa.....such a crappy movie I couldn't resist. The post was getting way to serious.

Defining your vision

Pessimist.

Optimist.

Realist.

Which way do you lean?

I've crossed "pessimist" off my list, as I've never really been one. Oh sure, certain situations that to me seemed impossible were written off early, so if that's pessimism I've guilty. But overall, I don't take that view.

As recent as a few years ago, I was almost a complete optimist. That is to say, I lived in the land of make-believe that I could control the uncontrollable, and things would work out. Not for the best, but work out the way I had them set up to in my head.

Glad that's over.

I have fallen into the comfort - I use that word carefully, because it is truly comforting - of looking at a situation for what it is, not what it could be. My pragmatic approach to breaking down what I'm learning or living is, for me, what feels right.

I look for the silver lining  - which is a good movie, and an even better concept.  I seek the good that can come, and I have hope, but don't pin it too high...it's at eye level. It's good to hope for things, but it's also good to accept that if those heights aren't reached, you can be satisfied, even happy, with the outcome.

Looking at life realistically takes a giant load off. You know that load...worrying about what might be. Embracing what "is" can be so freeing. It really can.

So when I ask myself, "Is it possible for me to run two miles, five miles, seven miles?" my answer is, "Yes, it is." I do it. Can I run 13.1 miles? That's my goal. If I walk some of it, so be it. But I will travel 13.1 miles by foot and willpower on April 7th, hopefully (boom...and there's the optimism!) upright the entire way.

All that said, you may have already guessed that I fall into the category of optimistic realist. I'm happier when I can come to terms with the unknown, and make the changes I have control of to better my life.

Is that playing it safe? No, I don't think so. Is being a realist better than being an optimist? Who am I to say? I don't think it's a question of what's "better" - it's a question of what works for you, and what makes sense for your life.

On the flip side, when it comes to romance I'm a realistic optimist. And much like the image, you'll never hear me say I love you with all my heart....because the heart an organ. But, I will say I love you with all that I am.

;-)

Suck it up.

Almost a month into drama-free 2013 and running is still fun.

I enjoy the mental aspect of it almost more than the physical. It’s the thing I look forward to most when heading out for a few miles.

I don’t mind running in the rain, or snow, or bitter cold. What prevents me from getting to that meditative state is the wind. That damn wind.

Lately, the early-spring weather we’ve been having here and there brings about big, gusty winds. Total pain in the ass.

But, I just keep reminding myself that as long as I have the ability to put one foot in front of the other, whatever the pace, I will run. Someday I won’t be able to, and I don’t want to look back with regret on the days that I didn’t use my body and mind to its potential.

Pretty Good Year

Chatted with my bestie tonight. She's awesome. We got on the topic of drama. Or rather, the lack thereof. So far, 2013 has been amazing.

It is possible to have a drama-free life. Everyone has the power to make this happen.

When life throws you a curveball, whether it's in the form of a miffed customer, coworker, friend or stranger, you can:

1. Recognize that the drama they attempt to bring to your life is theirs. They own it. It's not yours.

2. Decide on how you will or won't react to that drama. Acknowledge it. Ignore it. Do what's right for you, but keep emotion out of it - and this is easy because you've already recognized that it's not your drama, so there's nothing to get emotional about.

3. Keep on keeping on.

That's really it. Three simple rules to keep your life drama free.

Perspective is a wonderful thing. So is time.

Obviously these rules don't apply if the drama is in the form of a natural or man-made disaster.

But keep them in mind for everyday stuff.

I leave you with this...one of my favorite songs.

Black Angels & Hanni

Whew! My 2013 concert calendar was looking sparse. Was worried. Not now.

The Black Angels are coming w/Hanni El Katib opening. At the Firebird, no less.

I’m more excited about Hanni El Katib. Bluesy, garage sound with loud, crunchy guitar a’la White Stripes.

Good stuff.

What's the dealio...

Another three day weekend over. It went by very fast.

It was surprisingly productive, and filled with good deals:

-I got a new phone. Switched from Apple to Android. I refuse to be a slave to a brand, and I saved money.

-I switched from Charter to U-Verse for my cable and internet. Saving over $65/month for the exact same services.

-We had our first Family Day of 2013. Fun, food, frolic.

-I ran 5 miles with my half-marathon training group. Fantastic people, good weather. This will be challenging, but I am down for it. Got nothing to lose by poundage.

So far, 2013 is shaping up to be a very good year. Heads and tails above "the year of which we will never speak."

Flip the script

My former grieving, cloudy, semi-pessimistic, early-2012 self would've said I'm having a day and evening of long-ass meetings.

Drag.

My reformed grab-the-moment, not-gonna-let-it-bother-me, life-is-too-damn-short, late-2012/early-2013 self says that I was fortunate to meet with some very brilliant minds today to discuss how what we do on a daily basis will have positive outcomes for the health and safety of millions of people.

Rad!

Flip the script, people. Living with joy and positivity is a helluva lot better than bitching loudly and longly about people and things that are beyond your control. Wasted effort!!

You cannot control much of what happens to you on a daily basis. It is what it is.

BUT...you can control how you react to it. You've got that power, use it.

Sure, we all have our challenges, our sorrows, our suck situations.  We can either let them take us down, or we can ALLOW them to give us strength and fuel our success.

And hey, it's okay to rant once in awhile. Letting off steam is GOOD!

But reframe, reset and remove the negativity afterwards. Don't give in. Remember, it takes a heckuva lot more effort to be angry than it does to be happy.

Okay. That's my pep talk for today.

Hope you're flipping the script. If not, give it a try and see how badass you feel!

Okay, best get back to work...keeping millions safe and healthy, y'all! ;-)

Brunch and floating bananas

Spent the better part of Sunday at Sqwires catching up with friends. When we get together we can easily spend 4-5 hours talking about everything under the sun and moon.

Out of the blue they said they were overdue for a little time off. They wanted to know about my cabin excursion over the holidays.

Aside from the hot tub incident, they said it sounded perfect.

So we're planning a getaway in either late Feb or early March.

Cannot wait. I should be ready for some time off of training by then.

Maybe it will be warm enought to launch the big banana for some paddling.

Runsicle

When I got home from work it was still daylight out, so I decided to get a quick run in while the sun was still peeking out. I hate treadmills, and they hate me. I'm uncoordinated so any time I get on one I say a prayer.

Anyway, growing up in North Dakota we used to run outside for gym, whatever the weather. Snow on the ground? Run. Snowing? Run. 5 degrees below zero? Bundle up and run.

But we were also young, and unable (unwilling?) to comprehend how damn cold that was. And we were fairly fearless, and just did as we were told. Survived. No harm done.

Now I'm an old fuddie, and 24 degrees is effin cold. I wore my Sugoi thermal tights, mockneck and half-zip, wool socks, a fleece ear warmer and a thermal skullcap, and two pairs of thermal gloves.

The only places on my body that were uncomfortably cold were my face and my left thumb.

Wha?

My face was mostly uncovered, that's on me. Balaclava next time.

But my thumb? I called my mom to see if I'd ever had frostbite or something close to it growing up. I don't remember, she didn't either but it seems that I may have, due to the sensitivity of my thumb.

That's never happened before.

Guess I gotta break out the ski gloves, 'cause I'm not forkin over dinero for a third pair of gloves.

Weirdness.

Either way, I got a solid three miles in. Bam.

Movie Review: Thirty Dark Zero

Saw the movie.

It was really good. Not great, but really good.

Perhaps it was all the hype about being the best movie of the year/ever made that made my expectations so high. The trailers were very powerful also.

But although the subject matter was very heavy, the movie felt somewhat light, like it was missing some connectedness...that is, until the end.

The Navy Seal team got into their super-stealth helicopters to fly into Afghanistan to the compound that supposedly housed Bin Laden. Apparently it was filmed in the same amount of time the mission took, so we were viewing it in "real time."

This is when the tension really started. This was the part that made the movie good for me.

It was nerve-wracking. There wasn't a sound in the theater. Everyone was quiet, fixated on what was taking place on the screen. This was it - what were we going to get to see? How does this all play out?

And then, just as the Navy Seals were closing in on Bin Laden, the sound in our theater quit working.

At the pivotal climax of this super-hyped film, we had no audio.

It was such a monumental letdown. The removal of the audio, accompanied by the feral rage pitched by the audience, took me completely out of the moment.

The tension was gone.

After what felt like forever, the sound came back on. It was probably  about 25 seconds, but these were crucial seconds.

Anyway, there were good performances by the main actors. Jessica Chastain was captivating. She's just a pleasure to watch. Glad she won the Golden Globe.

The scenes with the torture were not pleasant to watch. The behind-the-scenes as the agents are looking for anything that would lead them to Bin Laden were entertaining, and individualy were great. But when they were all put together, it sometimes felt disjointed and forced.

SPOILER:

The first minute of the movie is audio only. It's of a 911 call from someone in one of the Twin Towers, speaking with a 911 operator.

It was incredibly chilling and sad and devastating to hear, because of what was said and how it went and what happened at the end of the call. It was so hard to hear. However, I thought it was the perfect way to start this movie. It reminded you why this story needed to be told.

It's definitely a movie you should see in the theater.

Dog days...and nights

Oliver Scootch McFadyen

 

Sweetest face ever, right?

Ever since I brought him home from the Humane Society, Oliver has been a late-night eater.

If I hand feed him, he will eat in the evening before bed. Sometimes.

Since he's a midnight snacker, I keep a nightlight on cuz he is not the most coordinated dog...guess he takes after his momma.

What I've noticed of late is that I'm just not sleeping well. I wake up often, and have a difficult time getting to sleep.

I'm thinking it could be the light.

So I'm making an executive decision and will be retiring the nightlight for awhile to see if this helps me.

Oliver will just have to dine by moonlight.

Hope he doesn't trip over his paws getting to his crunchies.

Dodging Metaphorical Bullets

I've managed to avoid the following things in my life, and I feel damn lucky for it:

1. 50 Shades of Gray. I'd rather nap. And have.

2. Cats. I have a severe allergy. Dogs are my pet of choice. Neat how some things work out for the best.

3. Eating live crawfish. I may live in MO, but I do not hail from MO, so this is easier to avoid were I a native.

4. Being carjacked/mugged. Difficult to do in STL. 

5. The non-important parts of Canada. I believe I've seen the best bits.

6. Jellyfish. Spent some time on the West Coast, in the ocean. They live there.

7. The movie Avatar. This means I have 161 minutes more than 25.7 million people had before they watched it. HA!

8. Marrying the wrong man. (I did marry the right one, at the wrong time...)
9. An obsession with Scandanavian modern furniture.

10. Broken bones. I've had many sprains, but no breaks. Surprising, considering how uncoordinated and adventurous I am. Never a good combo.

11. Buffalo stampede. I grew up in ND, and we had a few field trips to national parks where buffalo roam, so yeah, the opportunity was there.
12. Scientology. No explanation needed.

13. Spam. I'm a Vienna Sausage kinda gal.

14. Hearing an entire Rush song. Bleeding ears, bleeding ears...

15. Losing at indian leg wrestling more than winning. It's a common pasttime when you're snowed in. Lots of practice.

16. Being serenaded with Christmas carols by a talented Jewish accordion player posing as my boyfriend. Wait, that did happen....shoooooot.

17. Being last chair flute in band. I was always in the top two...with the exception of 7th grade. The year from hell. The photo above is me in 7th grade. 99 problems and band was one of 'em.

18. A girl fight my junior year of high school. I won first chair piccolo, and the bruiser who lost and was now second chair said she'd get me after school. The prestige of first chair always comes with danger....

19. Being sprayed by a skunk. Having been to camp and living on the prairie gets you very close to this.

20. Total heartbreak. Some close calls, but I'm still alive, don't hate men and believe in love, so I'm pretty sure the best is yet to come.