Still love to run

Yup.

Just want to go further. And I am.

It's all happening.

Crackly head, sniffle, Ironman

My doggie had a loose tooth, and a crackly head.

Turns out the loose tooth was a minor thing, and the crackly head was subcutaneous emphysema which means that air got under his skin from some tiny hole somewhere on his head.

The vet, who is the nicest man, brought in some shiny pliers and in about three seconds had that tooth out. Very little bleeding, and Ollie was good as new.

Very small fee as well. Had been prepared to shell out much more.

A while after we got home, Ollie was acting low and bothered, hanging his head off of the couch. I called the vet at 7:55, and he said if I could be there in five, he'd give me a couple pain pills for him. Again, how cool is my vet?? Super cool. Ollie is resting now, hopefully not in any pain.

On the sickee front, I'm feeling better today. Still coughing some, and wheezy and stuffy, but overall don't feel like a truck rolled over me.

Ready to hit the gym tomorrow and bust out Jeremy's workout, and am going to bed early so I can fit everything in tomorrow.

Also, I have a new tri buddy and am learning much in the way of nutrition, gear, training, etc. Always glad to have the support and the insight, especially from a seasoned racer. My swimming is sub-par, I need all the help I can get. Lol

So these things....my dog being okay, me feeling better, workout help...are enough to make this girl happy.

Deciding to be happy, to find the good in almost any situation, takes little effort. And the end result is darn fine.

Defining your vision

Pessimist.

Optimist.

Realist.

Which way do you lean?

I've crossed "pessimist" off my list, as I've never really been one. Oh sure, certain situations that to me seemed impossible were written off early, so if that's pessimism I've guilty. But overall, I don't take that view.

As recent as a few years ago, I was almost a complete optimist. That is to say, I lived in the land of make-believe that I could control the uncontrollable, and things would work out. Not for the best, but work out the way I had them set up to in my head.

Glad that's over.

I have fallen into the comfort - I use that word carefully, because it is truly comforting - of looking at a situation for what it is, not what it could be. My pragmatic approach to breaking down what I'm learning or living is, for me, what feels right.

I look for the silver lining  - which is a good movie, and an even better concept.  I seek the good that can come, and I have hope, but don't pin it too high...it's at eye level. It's good to hope for things, but it's also good to accept that if those heights aren't reached, you can be satisfied, even happy, with the outcome.

Looking at life realistically takes a giant load off. You know that load...worrying about what might be. Embracing what "is" can be so freeing. It really can.

So when I ask myself, "Is it possible for me to run two miles, five miles, seven miles?" my answer is, "Yes, it is." I do it. Can I run 13.1 miles? That's my goal. If I walk some of it, so be it. But I will travel 13.1 miles by foot and willpower on April 7th, hopefully (boom...and there's the optimism!) upright the entire way.

All that said, you may have already guessed that I fall into the category of optimistic realist. I'm happier when I can come to terms with the unknown, and make the changes I have control of to better my life.

Is that playing it safe? No, I don't think so. Is being a realist better than being an optimist? Who am I to say? I don't think it's a question of what's "better" - it's a question of what works for you, and what makes sense for your life.

On the flip side, when it comes to romance I'm a realistic optimist. And much like the image, you'll never hear me say I love you with all my heart....because the heart an organ. But, I will say I love you with all that I am.

;-)

Suck it up.

Almost a month into drama-free 2013 and running is still fun.

I enjoy the mental aspect of it almost more than the physical. It’s the thing I look forward to most when heading out for a few miles.

I don’t mind running in the rain, or snow, or bitter cold. What prevents me from getting to that meditative state is the wind. That damn wind.

Lately, the early-spring weather we’ve been having here and there brings about big, gusty winds. Total pain in the ass.

But, I just keep reminding myself that as long as I have the ability to put one foot in front of the other, whatever the pace, I will run. Someday I won’t be able to, and I don’t want to look back with regret on the days that I didn’t use my body and mind to its potential.

Runsicle

When I got home from work it was still daylight out, so I decided to get a quick run in while the sun was still peeking out. I hate treadmills, and they hate me. I'm uncoordinated so any time I get on one I say a prayer.

Anyway, growing up in North Dakota we used to run outside for gym, whatever the weather. Snow on the ground? Run. Snowing? Run. 5 degrees below zero? Bundle up and run.

But we were also young, and unable (unwilling?) to comprehend how damn cold that was. And we were fairly fearless, and just did as we were told. Survived. No harm done.

Now I'm an old fuddie, and 24 degrees is effin cold. I wore my Sugoi thermal tights, mockneck and half-zip, wool socks, a fleece ear warmer and a thermal skullcap, and two pairs of thermal gloves.

The only places on my body that were uncomfortably cold were my face and my left thumb.

Wha?

My face was mostly uncovered, that's on me. Balaclava next time.

But my thumb? I called my mom to see if I'd ever had frostbite or something close to it growing up. I don't remember, she didn't either but it seems that I may have, due to the sensitivity of my thumb.

That's never happened before.

Guess I gotta break out the ski gloves, 'cause I'm not forkin over dinero for a third pair of gloves.

Weirdness.

Either way, I got a solid three miles in. Bam.

Cinematic Music or This Sh*t Helps Me Run

My Sigur Ros station has been in heavy rotation on Pandora of late, and I've come across some really great post-rock bands that have become staples in my running playlists:

This Will Destroy You
Rafter
Mogwai
Explosions In The Sky
The Album Leaf
And So I Watch You From Afar
Efterklang
If These Trees Could Talk

This music is strangely uplifting, and lends itself to creating moody, dramatic movies in my head while I run, which gets me into a very nice zone.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Mantras in my head

Ford As I embark on my goals for 2013 (yeah, not waiting until New Year's Day, that's lame), I find that the following quotes give me strength, keep my eyes on the prize and just kinda make me happy...

• Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.  ~Henry Ford

• You must have long-range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short-range failures.  ~Charles C. Noble

• Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.  ~Art Linkletter

• Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude.  ~Ralph Marston

• Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. ~Kongzi

• Put your future in good hands - your own.  ~Author Unknown

• Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution.  ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

• It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.  ~???

• You have brains in your head.
  You have feet in your shoes.
  You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
  You're on your own.
  And you know what you know.
  You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
  ~Dr. Seuss

Brave and engaged

It's been an interesting weekend full of wonderful time with family and friends, and also of signs.

I am a believer in signs. I don't look for them, and sometimes I don't recognize them until it's too late to do anything with them, but in that case they serve as great reminders for how incredible the universe can be. But when I do recognize them, in the moment, I do my best to understand what they mean and act accordingly.

I've had many signs over this holiday weekend and in the weeks leading up to it, and they all pointed me to an "a ha!" moment that happend earlier today.

After my run this morning I turned on NPR to catch what was left of "On Being." It's a wonderful show hosted by Krista Tippett. It used to be called "Speaking of Faith" and I'm glad they changed the name because On Being feels more encompassing and less limiting...to me, anyway.

Brene Brown was the main guest, and she discussed her research on shame and wholeheartedness and how courage is born of vulnerability.

I found that as the segment went on, I wasn't hearing anything I didn't believe in or find to be untrue. In fact, some of the things Brown discussed were things I had thought about often, but had difficulty putting into concise thoughts.

It was a truth I'd not heard expressed in this way, and she put words to a feeling that many struggle with every day.

How often do we let shame get in the way of our progress? Too often. As humans, we hold onto past hurts, done by us to others or by others onto ourselves, and we let them fester and hold us back. This is a learned behavior, it's a practiced way of thinking that I truly believe can be challenged and changed.

I share the same belief that vulnerability and truth can bring about courage and progress. I've talked about transparency before, but that's not the same thing as vulnerability.

To say that you don't go out much because you aren't very social is being transparent - you're admiting a fact, but not getting to the heart of it. To say that you don't go out much because you find it fearful to interact with new people because you feel judged and it makes you feel bad is admitting vulnerability. To then go and do the thing you fear or that might hurt you while owning the truth behind your reluctance is courageous. It's brave and engaged.

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend that, looking back, were a sort of precursor to Brown's segment in that they were wonderously moving examples of letting vulnerability out for the world to see, regardless of the impact, because the truth is unavoidable.

"Wish Me Away" is the story of country singer Chely Wright's coming out as a lesbian. She lets it all hang out in the documentary, and I was very moved by her admissions on-camera of how she felt about her family, her image, her relationship with the church, and her fans. She embraced who she was and moved forward, but throughout the story was honest about her fears and her pain. I'm not a country music fan, but I am now a fan of Chely's.

I also saw "Silver Linings Playbook", starring Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Dinero. It was a beautiful movie about family, mental illness, loss and being truthful. I so enjoyed how the screenwriter let the characters speak the truth so much throughout this movie. They owned it!! Cooper's character talks a lot about rebuilding, being broken but getting whole, and finding the silver moments and silver linings. The characters dole out one honest blow after another, both metaphorically and physically, and while they looked like they hurt many times, these blows of honesty helped get everyone on a fair playing field. I highly recommend this movie - typical Hollywood ending, but everything that leads up to it is raw and funny and warm and right.

Going back to On Being, another thing that Brown mentioned was how she'd met people who accepted their shortgivings and didn't struggle with shame. They engaged from a place of worthiness, and knew they were worthy of love and belonging and that it was on the table and non-negotiable.

I absolutely love this. Belonging is on the table and non-negotiable. Words to live by.

Unless you give them the power, there isn't anyone who can tell you you're not worthy and have it mean anything. You are in charge of your self-worth, no one else.

And it all goes back to gaining courage from the truth of your vulnerability.

So be brave. Be engaged. Hope it gets you far.

What thousands of steps afford...

With races officially on the calendar for 2013 and training starting up in a week, I was asked by a few people what made me decide to take on the challenges and what my goals are.

In no particular order, the reasons why:

1. I can. Physically and mentally. There is no question - it's happening. I just need to train.
2. I want to meet make new friends who enjoy doing the same thing. I did that this summer with kayaking and it was a blast.
3. I'm interested in seeing how far I can push myself, safely, when it comes to endurance. Not in this for speed, but to finish standing up and smiling and looking forward to the next race.
4. I might want a new sticker on my car with a large number on it. That would make me feel good to see.
5. It's a solid way to let go of stinky ol' 2012 and slide into the new year with strength, mental fortitude and happiness.

Goals:

1. Get ripped. I want to look good, on and off the course.
2. Lose weight - no brainer.
3. See how far my hypnotherapy certification can take me in my training so that I can eventually help others in the same way.
4. Become a viable member of the racing community, whether it's through volunteering, chairing, or partnering with a newbie so I can say "been there, done that, and you can too."
5. I've been holding onto a pair of jeans from 1986. Size 3. Getting there will be fun, and if it doesn't happen I can say I tried.

I'm really looking forward to the challenges, the training, the people, and learning everything I can. I've been inspired by so many people I know, and the encouragement I've received has made my decisions very easy ones to make.

Feels good.

Update

-Ran just over 6 miles. Not the 8 I'd had in mind but I'm happy, and tired, just the same. 12:26 pace - I blame it on the breeze and new route. :-) Really not concerned at all about pace/speed/winning. My big win is just finishing and LOVING it. I dream about running. Seriously. It's getting weird...

-Since there will be hoardes of chilluns at my door tomorrow night begging for wrapped & branded sugar, I plan on doing a short bike tomorrow morning. Short is the key word...dislike biking in the dark, but it cannot get any safer than New Town.

-I have many friends in NYC who I'm praying for right now. No word in a while, so assuming their power is out and they're conserving batteries. Looks like a disaster area. NYC is resilient, as are its inhabitants. Still, sending good thoughts.

-My heat is working again...H to the Y! Minor fix, not "user error" so I'm a happy girl.

- Special shout out to my fellow LU alum Kari Shea Stopp and her lovely Charlotte Stopp for rescuing two wayward mutts. I'm happy to know people with such huge, warm hearts.

- Big team meeting tomorrow. Anticipating some potential shake-ups, due to growth and some folks leaving/repositioning. Not worried, but curious to see in what way we'll be growing and moving.

- SO looking forward to the Spits/Off! show this Thursday. Decent venue, lots of friends going. Bunch of old, crusty punkers we are. Life is good.

- I still reach for the phone to call my grandma. Not every day, but at least a couple times a week. Wonder if this will ever go away? Part of me hopes it won't. It's a bittersweet reminder...

- My dog is in dire need of a haircut. He's got what I can his "homeless man" look. Case in point, the pic above.

Listing...

...as in making a list. No, I'm not on the side of a downtrodden, wave-beaten vessel attempting to navigate the harshness of Hurricane Sandy, or whatever it's been downgraded to...

I have been questioning something for quite a while now. It's a choice I made, many years ago, and I continued on the pathway that choice initially set me on.

There comes a time when you must ask yourself why you make the choices you do, and why you stick around for something that might in fact be holding you back. Or rather, allow yourself to be held back because, let's face it, the holding back comes from within 99.9% of the time.

Now, I'm a short-term list maker. I'll make a list at the beginning and end of the day with To Do items on it. I typically don't list out past 24 hours. Life can get messy, the list can get mangled, and that can become frustrating. So I make nibble lists. Easy to digest and discard.

I spelled out my original choice at the top of a piece of paper, and then just let flow. I came up with many questions related to the choice and the path, and found many answers that were at first a little tough to swallow, and eventually became enlightening:

1. Why did I originally make this choice? (fears, hopes, goals, insecurities, etc.)
2. What good has come of it?
3. What have the negative results been?
4. What do I gain from veering from the path? (forward motion, peace, perspective)
5. What can change for me if I move forward? (personal, professional, health, spirit)
6. What would I tell someone in my shoes who made this same choice and kept on the path for so long?

You can't change the past, but you can take steps to ensure you don't make the same choice again. Well, there's that small word with ginormous impact - choice. We all have choices to make, whether it's deciding to taste a new food, sleeping in an extra ten minutes, taking the long road home for the view or letting go of a past hurt in order to heal.

So take time to regard the situation and check in with yourself before you make a move that could be detrimental down the line. Know who you are, what you need, what you're willing to give up, and what you're okay with giving in to. And don't forget to make a list.

On a lighter note, I'm aiming for an 8-miler tonight. Tune in tomorrow for a recap of how that little adventure goes. :-)  And I promise the there will be some fun posts coming up - I've got a good concert lined up this week, and some weekend fun as well. Pics and replay coming your way...

More joy...unintentional and kilted

My colleague told me of a site where you could download motivational mp3 files for sports and such. http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/  She said a few of them had helped her with her sports technique.

I went ahead and checked out the site, and found what I thought might be a good choice – "Keep Running, Endurance."

At $12, it was worth it to me to try it. There wasn’t a preview, however, so I was going into this blind (or deaf, as the case would be). I’m pretty particular about my voices. I’ve used YouTube for relaxation videos and sometimes the presenter’s voice just didn’t get me there – they were either too grating, weird, soft, creepy. You get the picture.

I listened to the audio file last night after my run…wanted to give it my full attention and process it before I actually used it.

Before I disclose what took place, I need to preface it with a little-known fact. I dig accents. British, Irish, Australian, Lebanese…I like ‘em all. But there’s one that sends me over the moon. Gets my heart all a’twitter and weak in the knees.

Scottish.

I have no idea why. No rhyme or reason to it. Some things you just gotta embrace. :-)

So, can you guess where this is going?

Well, the mp3 started up, and a soothing male voice began to speak. Softly, melodically and WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh my. My oh my.

I nearly melted into the couch.  It was fantastic! What a great surprise to listen to while I cooled down from the run.

A friend came over last night and I played it for him - I believe in sharing the joy. He got a good laugh when I told him I may be unable to run directly after listening to the audio file as I may need some recovery time.

I’m in heaven. Running just got even better.

The therapist who recorded it is named Roger Elliott. He has numerous recordings on the site, and I highly recommend him as his voice is very soothing, and the script he uses is motivational, grounded and natural.

The joy of running

I only learned this a month ago.

I've been known to be a late bloomer in some things. :-)

I’ve been running, on and off, since high school.

It’s never been anything I enjoyed. At all.

Sprints were okay, as were hurdles. Long distance? Bleh - not my cup of tea, but I did it to help stay in shape and because my friends were in track. And I did it with intense hatred.

I've had a special mantra in my head, reserved for long runs.

“I f*cking hate this.” Sometimes it varied. "This sucks."

Not sure where it came from, or how it developed, but I’ve always had a hate-hate relationship with running. I approached it in a half-assed, grudging way, and it did the same for me in return.

If there's anything I've learned throughout my life, it's that you can control how you react to something or someone, and this is a powerful thing. Your state of mind can make all the difference.

I’ve been taking a certification course in hypnotherapy. No, it’s not hypnosis, we don't use watches or trick people into acting like a chicken. It's more of a deeply relaxed state so that a client can work through issues such as phobias, trauma, pain, grief, and sports performance.

All the demonstrations I saw in class and had experienced first-hand as a demo subject made me a believer. If you’re open to it, and the therapist is patient and skilled, you can accomplish much through hypnotherapy. Might sound hokey (it did to me the first time I sat in class), so I get it if you’re reading this going “ah, yeah..whatever”.  But it does have it’s benefits.

So back to my tale of kick-ass. One evening ;ast month, as I was preparing for a run, I decided to employ some of the deep relaxation techniques used in hypnotherapy on myself while doing a short pre-run stretch. It was kind of on a whim, just popped in my head as I was lacing up my right shoe. What the hell, I thought, I had nothing to lose. I'm certain it helped to approach it with a very laid-back, open attitude.

I don’t remember much, but what I do recall doing was mapping out my run in my head (3.2 miles, door to door, to my mom’s house and back), deciding that I would not stop at all, but rather slow down to a comfortable pace to overcome whatever might be ailing me, and to find small “goals” throughout, such as working on a negative split and improving my time by a minimum of 10 seconds.

Nothing too complicated. And again, approaching it in a way that it felt very basic, unencumbered and light probably helped. I uncomplicated it. :-)

Then, on a whim, I decided to add balance to the run. I’m big on balance, and I decided to listen to that part of myself in this situation. I usually run with my inhaler in one hand, rarely used, but it helps me feel comfortable. So what I did was find something equal in size and shape to hold in the other hand. My little can of mace fit the bill. I didn't think I'd need to use it, but this way I felt even, balanced.

And here’s what happened….

I completed the run at a good pace, with a negative split, and didn’t slow down or stop.

It didn't feel effortless, but it felt fantastic.

I arrived home feeling euphoric – runners high? Maybe. I don’t need to label it – whatever it was rocked.

But most importantly, I never once had a negative thought in my head. I waited for it, as it was the norm. All I thought about was how great running felt. Everything – the pace, the night sky, the smells of autumn.

Since then, I haven’t looked back. I want to run every day, and have to stop myself from doing so. I run every other day, and after each run I start planning out my next one. I missed a day due to travel recently, and it made me feel off-kilter.

So while I’ve run on and off throughout my life, I never considered myself a runner.

I do now.

And after a shit year, finally having a few things come together feels like a thousand blessings.

Update: Just finished a 6 mile run. 11:43 average pace. Very happy with that. Now for a hot shower, some good conversation, maybe a little wine and some foot reflexology.

I had

a wonderful run tonight. Everything clicked.

The weather was on the warm side, around 76, but the neighborhood was still, peaceful, and smelled great...woody, green, dusty.

I got into such a zone that I missed my turn and didn't realize until I was about three blocks down. So I took the next turn and explored a bit of the hood I wasn't familiar with.

It was a nice and easy run until the last half mile, which I busted out a bit faster.

Overall pace was 11:06.

I almost feel like putting my shoes back on for an encore.

Do I dare...

Early bird

I was planning on getting up at 4:30 to do Insanity before running.

Woke up at 3:45, feeling wide awake and ready to go. So I did.

I took advantage of the time and started some laundry, had a banana and cleaned one of my bathrooms.

Then did Insanity. (If you're not familiar with Insanity, it's titled appropriately. I love the plyometric workout, and it's great for crosstraining. Also, the trainer is really engaging and makes you feel like he's talking right to you.)

Then ran 2.5 miles.

I love mornings like this.

Oliver does not. He's a creature of habit, and likes his routines.

Too bad. Human trumps dog.

I've officially kicked this day's ass, and it's only 6:30.

Kickin' it, new school

It could be because I am finally feeling better and snot-free after almost two weeks of fighting the upper respiratory crud that everyone seems to be passing around.

It could be for the awesomely encouraging text I saw when I woke up.

Or maybe because I shut down last night at 9:00, head on pillow and alarm set for 5:00 a.m. so I could guarantee at least 8 hours of sleep.

Either way, I busted out my fastest run this morning.

3 miles in 29:38.

I like this.

Embrace the swass.

I decided, around 64 days ago, that I wasn't going to let this redonk heat do me in.

It is what it is. I cannot change it.

So I decided to embrace it.

I bike in the mornings because it takes longer than a run.

I run in the evenings because it's not as hot (note that I didn't say "cooler"), and because I live in a neighborhood that's safe to do so.

I have also embraced a lot of other things that come along with working out in the extreme heat and humidity...

Swass.

Swoobage (commonly known as swits, but I find this word a bit harsh on my innocent ears).

Swussy.

As you might guess, swass is sweaty ass. Swoobage? Sweaty boobs.

Do I need to explain swussy? Okay, thanks.

Guys experience the same phenomena, but theirs is called swootch.

Not gonna explain this, find out for yourself.

Anyway, you run in normal conditions and you get sweaty.

But running in such hot, humid weather and your creases get all swampified.

I guess I'd rather have all the SW's combined, momentarily, than an entire afternoon of pristine clean from not working out.

Embrace the swass, and whatever else is making gravy. You probably earned it.