Brave and engaged

It's been an interesting weekend full of wonderful time with family and friends, and also of signs.

I am a believer in signs. I don't look for them, and sometimes I don't recognize them until it's too late to do anything with them, but in that case they serve as great reminders for how incredible the universe can be. But when I do recognize them, in the moment, I do my best to understand what they mean and act accordingly.

I've had many signs over this holiday weekend and in the weeks leading up to it, and they all pointed me to an "a ha!" moment that happend earlier today.

After my run this morning I turned on NPR to catch what was left of "On Being." It's a wonderful show hosted by Krista Tippett. It used to be called "Speaking of Faith" and I'm glad they changed the name because On Being feels more encompassing and less limiting...to me, anyway.

Brene Brown was the main guest, and she discussed her research on shame and wholeheartedness and how courage is born of vulnerability.

I found that as the segment went on, I wasn't hearing anything I didn't believe in or find to be untrue. In fact, some of the things Brown discussed were things I had thought about often, but had difficulty putting into concise thoughts.

It was a truth I'd not heard expressed in this way, and she put words to a feeling that many struggle with every day.

How often do we let shame get in the way of our progress? Too often. As humans, we hold onto past hurts, done by us to others or by others onto ourselves, and we let them fester and hold us back. This is a learned behavior, it's a practiced way of thinking that I truly believe can be challenged and changed.

I share the same belief that vulnerability and truth can bring about courage and progress. I've talked about transparency before, but that's not the same thing as vulnerability.

To say that you don't go out much because you aren't very social is being transparent - you're admiting a fact, but not getting to the heart of it. To say that you don't go out much because you find it fearful to interact with new people because you feel judged and it makes you feel bad is admitting vulnerability. To then go and do the thing you fear or that might hurt you while owning the truth behind your reluctance is courageous. It's brave and engaged.

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend that, looking back, were a sort of precursor to Brown's segment in that they were wonderously moving examples of letting vulnerability out for the world to see, regardless of the impact, because the truth is unavoidable.

"Wish Me Away" is the story of country singer Chely Wright's coming out as a lesbian. She lets it all hang out in the documentary, and I was very moved by her admissions on-camera of how she felt about her family, her image, her relationship with the church, and her fans. She embraced who she was and moved forward, but throughout the story was honest about her fears and her pain. I'm not a country music fan, but I am now a fan of Chely's.

I also saw "Silver Linings Playbook", starring Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Dinero. It was a beautiful movie about family, mental illness, loss and being truthful. I so enjoyed how the screenwriter let the characters speak the truth so much throughout this movie. They owned it!! Cooper's character talks a lot about rebuilding, being broken but getting whole, and finding the silver moments and silver linings. The characters dole out one honest blow after another, both metaphorically and physically, and while they looked like they hurt many times, these blows of honesty helped get everyone on a fair playing field. I highly recommend this movie - typical Hollywood ending, but everything that leads up to it is raw and funny and warm and right.

Going back to On Being, another thing that Brown mentioned was how she'd met people who accepted their shortgivings and didn't struggle with shame. They engaged from a place of worthiness, and knew they were worthy of love and belonging and that it was on the table and non-negotiable.

I absolutely love this. Belonging is on the table and non-negotiable. Words to live by.

Unless you give them the power, there isn't anyone who can tell you you're not worthy and have it mean anything. You are in charge of your self-worth, no one else.

And it all goes back to gaining courage from the truth of your vulnerability.

So be brave. Be engaged. Hope it gets you far.