Friday, August 24, 2012

What skeeves....




1. Bow ties - probably because of how Orville Redenbacher looked on the cover of my grandma's popcorn tin. Either way, ew.

2. Skinny jeans. On both men and women.

3. The following words - panties, moist, chunk, loaf. Especially in the same sentence.

4. Maxi dresses. Not sure why. Probably a 70's Barbi-related childhood issue. We won't go there.

5. Goatees that look like merkins. You know the kind...when a man has a completely baby soft, clean-shaven face and then a LARGE SHOCK of dark, bushy hair lodged between their lower lip and bottom of their chin. Why??? Trim it, shave it, make it less of what it is or I'm not going near it.


6. White pants on men. Seems dirty. I think my repulsion began with this guy:

However, it's okay if THIS guy wears all white, all red, or whatever the heck he wants:


7. Tapioca pudding at a Chinese buffet. I don't trust it. The chocolate pudding is fine - it's a mainstay, totally belongs there, just feels right. Tapioca in NO WAY belongs there. It's a sticky vat of wrong.

8. Sitting with my back to the door in a restaurant. It's a gangster thing.

9. Old-fashioned men's long underwear bottoms. Saggy butt and ankle cuffs. Ugh.


10. Oil of Olay face cream. The smell, the consistency is off to me.

11. Unblended lipliner.

12. When people lick and/or suck their fingers after/while eating. Gross, uncivilized, and if you think you're touching me with that hand later you're sorely mistaken. And no, I don't want any of your spitty popcorn. Ugh.

13. Garlic breath.

14. Used dental floss.

15. The watery stuff that comes out of the mustard bottle before the mustard. WTF is that????

16. When men unbutton too many of their shirt buttons. Oh, oh, oh so skeevy.

17. Sharing gum, as in when someone takes a portion of the gum they're already chewing and gives a chewed part to someone else. IS THERE ANYTHING MORE UNSANITARY? I think I'd rather lick a toilet seat at Walmart. Well, maybe not.

18. Trying on swimsuits at the store. Because you know someone already tried it on WITHOUT UNDERWEAR. Ew. I buy, wash and hope for the best.

19. Hotel room chairs/couches. I think they're dirtier than the bedspreads. If I have to sit, I towel it.



20. Hotel room bedspreads.

21. Bowling shoes. An evil necessity, I know.

22. Walmart. I saved the best for last. :-)

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